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Friday, July 1, 2011

#182 Is a Lame Lumberman

As a lumberjack
I’m a wannabe
My axe strokes fall off the mark
It would take an hour to fell one tree

My chainsaw skills
Aren’t that great either
I get the bar stuck
Like the tree is biting a teether

When I cut a notch in the trunk
To make it fall the way I say
You probably better run
‘Cause I bet it’s going the other way

I’m told I should use a rope
With twelve thousand pound test
Well all I had was some lying around
It wasn’t up to it though it tried it’s best

I did catch one pine
As it started to lean the wrong way
I tied one end of my wimpy rope to it
The other to my tractor
Which looked at me as if to say:

“Dude, really?
Even I can see we aren’t away far enough
The top of that thing is going to take us out
And when the EMT’s come
You’re gonna look rough”

So I sized it up and let out some more slack
Gunned the motor
And the rope stretched about three feet
Before the tree toppled over
Crashing just behind my seat

No, I’m no lumberjack
But I’m going to keep trying
There’s enough trees to give me practice
I’m hopeful I won’t hurt myself
And have to go home crying