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© Fred Robel, and Fritz365, 2010 - 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Fred Robel and Fritz365 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Innuendo Zombie Casanova

Grunts groans and shuffling
This one is a slow mover for sure
Getting close enough to be heard
He grunts out
"I'm so attracted to your brains...."

As far as innuendos go
Zombies aren't as clever as they think

His cold rotten hand upon your warm smooth hip
His breath would be awful if he could breathe
And as soon as you think that
You wonder how he can talk at all
What with the basic principle of vocal chords

"Your skull is too pretty to be in one piece
Let me help you with that"
He whispers in vicious thoughtus interruptus

Milky dead eyes beg you to fall into them
To surrender your soul to him
Or at least your brains
And you almost do

Allowing a cool embrace
Wrapping your arms around him
Feeling vertebrae protruding through back skin with gentle fingertips
As a pair of wintry lips wriggles their way up your neck
Creeping past your ear as two undead damp caterpillars

Again he softly speaks to his desire for you
"Your head is the sweetest of truffles
I yearn to taste the creamy....."

But you cut him short
As you always do
Sinking your fingers into his back
Tearing the decayed torso asunder
Watching tearfully as the head falls to the ground at your feet
Still attached to spine
Lips still pining for you
For a taste of you

It's hard to stomp on it
But you do
Satisfied at the sound it makes

Tick, Tack, Attack!

Red orange yellow green
My mega quart sized tic tac rage pack fills my hand
As heavy as a pint of beer
And all things considered
With about as many calories I fear

Opening the TO SHARE flip top lid
I do anything but
As I pour the entire contents into my gaping maw
Unable to close said maw's lips
Frozen until enough of the tiny mint candies melt away
Trying not to choke
People asking if I'm ok

At least enough to permit safe passage in public
Though still attracting stares
At my swollen chipmunk cheeks a mile wide
Bulging tightly against the treats inside

Each tiny pill shaped bit
Outlined on the skin of my face
Like little demon alien's tits
Trying to poke through into the chill fall air

Breath: Fierce

Taste: Fruity

Don't Worry, It's All In My Profile

This is the me that is better than me
I know
Because he was created for consumption
Oh it's not that I'm not him
Though now maybe that's the assumption

It's just that he's a little better looking than me
Shot at just the right angle
In just the right light
Mostly by luck mind you
As that's the most way that I'm often right

In the profile you'll find the greatest hits
The peaks on the graph of progress
Some overachieving accomplishments
On a long and bullet pointed list

You'll even see the places I've been, Oh!
All mapped out
Maybe with some dates of location
And I've been pretty fortunate
To live in places that some might vacation

What's not on the list?
That list of accomplishments
Job history and positions
Education in institutions
The map of places to have been
Even that mission statement of sorts
Which simply shows off the aspirational hubris of my super ego?

The things that don't make the list
Are the things I don't want to think about
But are the things that stand to the fore
When I'm laying in bed and cannot sleep
Or driving a long trip with nothing to do
And most especially when I try to make myself not think of them
Those are the devils in detailed thought
Wil-o'-the-wisps that creep in through the cracks

Those are the things that really make me ME

And they aren't written down anywhere at all

Friday, August 22, 2014


Four-oh-one in the AM
And my phone's alarm titters me awake
Right hand swings on the end of a right arm
Finding the wretched thing
Pushing any button it can find
To silence the sleep shattering sound
Starting the snooze cycle
For eight more minutes of rest

That short snooze cycle
Throws one into an almost awake state
Where the dreams they feel real
As next alarm waits at the gate

Laying there in the bed
Early AM darkness all around
I feel my stomach stir
Thinking it could be hunger
But then I hear a voice say, "Excuse me, sir?"

Snapping my eyes open I look down
Finding much to horror something there
Protruding from my stomach
Just above the innie button
A small dark creature
Almost muppet-like in nature

The sock puppet mouth opened and spoke
"Hey, my  name's Barry Bowel
And we need to talk about your diet I think....."

I couldn't take it
My hands went down and tried to push him back in
"Hey!  Wait, don't do that....."
The bowel protested
But I didn't listen as I pushed and prodded at his skin
Back down into his hole

A nightmare tear in my abdominal wall

Four-oh-nine came just in time
The alarm sounding once again
Where my sleeping hand was already astride the phone's form
Pushing the button almost as the first blip and bloop made waves
Making eight more minutes of time for my brain to play tricks upon me

That short snooze cycle
Throws one into an almost awake state
Where the dreams they feel real
As next alarm awaits like a date with fate

Monday, August 18, 2014

Pinocchio's Plea

Take me to your Isle of Amusement
Where dreams can come true
My pen never runs out of ink
And horses never rendered to glue

Take me on a thrill ride
Rollercoasters, motorcycles, and flying things
Strap on the locomotion motivation
Approach the precipice and stretch those wings

Take me and dip me in polyurethane
So as to preserve the moment forever
Beneath a crunchy candy shell
I'll withstand any kind of weather

Take me with you in your purse
So I can peer up at you through a small opening
Don't worry about me getting bored in here
As I've found a long length of string

Take me or leave me as you please
In your hand or hanging in your closet
Without your touch upon my wires
I'm simply a limp marionette pet

Take me
Make me a real boy

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

A Big Hairy Deal

The Big Hairy Deal had been summoned
With ritual and words ages old
With tight wiry hair over his entire body
He moved almost silently
As if the hair muffled everything he did
Interacting with the air somehow
Deadening the sound waves
As each strand moved as if it had life of its own
Creating a miasma of movement baffling to the eye

From within the hair covering his face
Piercing ice blue eyes peered
Taking in everything around him
Just in case he had to stop suddenly and blend in
Which was surprisingly easy for the Big Hairy Deal to do

Moving quickly through the painfully austere neighborhood
A sure victim of over-zealously enforced home owner's association rules
Long legs stretched easily as he loped down the street in the twilight
Silent as a summer breeze past one beige single story home after another
Until he arrived at his destination

710 West Branch Street

The fine hairs upon his lanky form virtually buzzing with movement
The Big Hairy Deal made his careful way up the front sidewalk
Meeting up with the small family dog about halfway to the front door

Ice blue beast eyes met with brown canine for just a split second
Then before the dog could bark, or growl, or anything else
His eyes found the murderously mind bending movement of the carpet of hair
Causing his little doggy brain to spin, his eyes to cross
And making him vomit uncontrollably

The threat dealt with
The hairy beast made the last few feet to the door in two steps
Where he stretched out a hand to the handle
But waited patiently without moving another muscle

Inside the house two children could be heard arguing loudly
"I don't care if you think it was against the rules!!
I just don't see why you have to make such a Big Hairy Deal out of it!"

On that cue
The Big Hairy Deal swiftly opened the door to present himself upon the foyer
Framed perfectly between the open door and the family coat rack

Ice blue eyes met with two pairs of mismatched bratty child
Then before the pair of children could do anything else
Their horrified gazes landed upon his finely fluctuating fibers
Their eyes crossed
Brains spun
And they laid upon their sides suddenly
Vomiting uncontrollably

The Big Hairy Deal was already gone however
Out the door
Past the still sick dog
And cruising down the middle of the road again

Swinging a black umbrella he'd swiped from the coat rack in his right paw jauntily
Ice blue eyes pinched in laughter slightly
Only awaiting that age old call to make an appearance again

Life In Death

Death can truly only claim you
When all that you are has been forgotten

Create, contribute, build
And live on through what you were