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© Fred Robel, and Fritz365, 2010 - 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Fred Robel and Fritz365 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Drain Yeti

Drain Yeti blocked up my pipes
Burst them to pieces
Flooded everything in sight
When I wasn't at home of course
In the deep dark still of the night

The view that greeted me as I opened my side door
Was one of water and waste all over the floor
With one small wet Drain Yeti lounging right dead center
Looking at me cross eyed and daring me to enter

I tried my best move
By looking left and trying to slide right
It didn't work and I had no more
And had to settle for just turning on the light

The sudden light made that Drain Yeti charge
Directly at me and tossing me into the yard
Where we rolled around in the early morning mist
Me smelling of two days of travel
The yeti of mold and piss

That was all soon rectified
And we both smelled of front yard mud
All wet and earthy
With a hint of worm at the end

Just when I thought I might be getting the upper hand
That Drain Yeti opened his mouth and yelled "Git off my land!"
Followed by fury and claws
Some teeth and strong jaws

Before I knew it I was in the middle of the road
And that Drain Yeti was back in the kitchen
Staring through the doorway with all the hate he could
Leaving me with one solid option
Of retreating to fight another day

So with one final shake of my fist
I added this incident to my long list
Of things I'd have to rectify someday
Just as soon as more important things stopped getting in the way

Monday, July 28, 2014

Ruere Leporidae

He tumbled
Cotton-tailed ass over steaming tea kettle
All the way down the rabbit hole
Until there was nothing left to do but to hit the bottom

But the bottom refused to come
Thus proving that holes can be deeper than you think
And the temperature got a bit hotter
Showing that things can always get worse as well

Still he tumbled
Past not safe for work images
And recipes for things he had no hope of making
With impossible makeup tips for good measure

Until a weighted rescue rope of dubious length suddenly reached his paws
Which he naturally grabbed on to with a relieved sigh
Then being pulled up all that unlikely way
Through the bottom of the farmer's bubbling pot
Safely back into the hasenpfeffer stew

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Everyone's Favorite Picture

This is my favorite picture of you

As you run through the most picturesque of forest
Feet just a blur of motion
Your face is a bit twisted in emotion
Terror I think I'd call it

I'm so glad I took the time to snap the shot
From my safe perch up in the tree
Catching just the right angle upon your streaming blonde hair

While ten feet behind
Almost out of frame
Chases a most magnificent medium sized brown bear

Dude.....So Sleepy

How many of you are awake right now?
One or two or ten?
As my eyelids grow heavy
And sight retracts to a slit
I know that I almost am surely not
Not awake
Not asleep
But somewhere in the middle
With movements paralyzed
Aware but not able to move
This torturous unawake sleep state that I'm in

It's a human rights violation
A horror
A sin

Monday, July 21, 2014

Some Chipmunk History

In the days of the Great Before
There were trees over almost all the land

Not only the mighty Oaks
Which in those times were landbound
To the spot upon which their acorn had fallen

But others
Such as the Maple
Whose leaves were palmately lobed
And seeds with one wing upon them
Which spiraled down to earth every year
In a show of pre-aviation lift and drag

Sadly, those seeds were not good to eat
Though the wood that the tree could give was strong
With sometimes intricate pleasing patterns to the grain
See figure 6c for examples of Maple characteristics

We will go over other types of trees from the Great Before in later chapters
For now
Understand that there were many kinds of trees

Please go to section 2 of your handout
Where the Blight and Purge of Year One is detailed
This is what will be on the quiz tomorrow

Please pay close attention to the linguistic evolution paragraphs
As well as the names of the founders
Which are listed at the end of the section

Have a wonderful afternoon

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Just One Thing

As you approach
All cat like grace
In a human sized space
I can only think one thing

Passing a roach
Glowing cherry lit face
Making my leaden heart race
I can only think one thing

Same as that night in jail in Reno
Or within the freezing iron grip of your thighs
Performing what you thought was an act of love
Someone get me the fuck outta this place

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

I Can't Catch My Legs In Ten Words

I can't catch my legs,
When rolled into a ball

I can't catch my legs,
Magician sawed me in half

I can't catch my legs,
Train is dragging them behind

I can't catch my legs,
Since the aliens probed me

I can't catch my legs,
I'm too busy eating them

I can't catch my legs,
They're running much too fast