I'd offer you a gentlemanly hand
But gravity seems to be doing you well
If only there were some way of measuring this
Your acceleration in a vacuum
Your terminal speed
I spy a nice sized rock and throw it at you
Smiling as it hits you square in the gut
Who needs to measure shit when I can do that
You cry out for my help
And three hundred toads shoot out of your butt
Just like you always said they would
I fall down right with you at that
Tears obscuring my view
My breath catching in almost silent gasp laughter
"Oh my god!"
I finally gasp out
"You said, 'The day I ask for your help......
.....three hundred toads........
...fly out your butt!!'"
And I can't stop laughing
Nor can the tears stop flowing
Never a breath will I catch
As we both hit the ground in unison
A smile upon my face
And three hundred toads pitter-pattering down all around us