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Saturday, July 16, 2011

#197 Is the Nothing


I am the nothing
I fill you up
When all else is gone
When you aren’t special
When you aren’t loved
When you aren’t pretty
Or ugly
Or even pretty ugly

You are nothing

When something is taken away
That once filled you with love
Or joy
Or happiness
I am the nothing that rushes in

Like water filling a sudden void
The nothing smothers
With the blackest vacuum

When your father died
And you were filled with shock
Then disbelief
Then seemingly unending sadness
When it did end
That’s where I came in

I filled  you with nothing
And made you numb
You went on autopilot
And shook hands
Smiled a fake smile
And pretended to remember the good times

But it was really nothing

When your first love
The big love
The one that taught you
How wonderful it can be
To love someone
Other than immediate family

When that person spiked your heart
Straight into the ground
I am the nothing
That made you think
That love was a cruel joke
I was the nothing
That finally made the pain go away
I was the nothing
That showed you how to go through the motions
To satisfy your needs for companionship
And sex
But not get hurt

When the tank is empty
Filled with nothing
Where will you go now?
With no gas in your engine
No emotions on your sleeve
You have to get something in there
To make me go away
But I cling like a barnacle
To the tatters of your soul
Scraping me away
Is the only way to move on

But just try scraping nothing away
It's harder than you think