#197 Is the Nothing

I am the nothing

I fill you up

When all else is gone

When you aren’t special

When you aren’t loved

When you aren’t pretty

Or ugly

Or even pretty ugly

You are nothing

When something is taken away

That once filled you with love

Or joy

Or happiness

I am the nothing that rushes in

Like water filling a sudden void

The nothing smothers

With the blackest vacuum

When your father died

And you were filled with shock

Then disbelief

Then seemingly unending sadness

When it did end

That’s where I came in

I filled  you with nothing

And made you numb

You went on autopilot

And shook hands

Smiled a fake smile

And pretended to remember the good times

But it was really nothing

When your first love

The big love

The one that taught you

How wonderful it can be

To love someone

Other than immediate family

When that person spiked your heart

Straight into the ground

I am the nothing

That made you think

That love was a cruel joke

I was the nothing

That finally made the pain go away

I was the nothing

That showed you how to go through the motions

To satisfy your needs for companionship

And sex

But not get hurt

When the tank is empty

Filled with nothing

Where will you go now?

With no gas in your engine

No emotions on your sleeve

You have to get something in there

To make me go away

But I cling like a barnacle

To the tatters of your soul

Scraping me away

Is the only way to move on

But just try scraping nothing away

It's harder than you think