Don't ask me
What I really think
I might just tell you
In vividly descriptive words
Changing how you feel about me
And make your heart fucking sink
Don't ask me
For directions
I'll send you in circles
A hundred miles out of your way
Just to amuse me
And totally make my day
Don't ask me
What I want to eat
I'll go into a soliloquy
On the nature of food, man, and nature
Why the sky is blue
And why that should matter to you
And you'll never get to order
Don't ask me
If I like those shoes
I'll tell you they make you look slutty
And how much I like that
You'll walk away feeling dirty
Like a whore
Don't ask me
If you can break the rules
I'll ask you if anyone's looking
Including your conscience
Which is the harshest observer
And will keep you up at night
Don't ask me
If that dress makes you look fat
I'll probably tell you yes
Little do you know
That I don't like my women skinny
And your Boticelli-esque form turns me on
Don't ask me
If it's hot enough for me
I'll quietly gather kindling
For a bonfire
Light it and throw you in
And throw that question right back at you
Don't ask me
If I really love you
It will make me cry
If you haven't believed me
The first thousand times I've told you
Then what chance have I
Don't ask me
How I'm doing
I'll do a handstand
My kilt will fall about my chest
And you'll see how I wear it traditionally
You'll shrink from my manhood's funny dance
Don't ask me
What my last words are
They are not for your ears
The blame and regret
Of all my years
Will run circles in my head
Even as I draw my last breath
You don't want to know
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