The evil Red Robes came into my room that night
They beat me about the head
With a Louisville slugger
Left me in a coma
They figured I was dead
But they were wrong
I was only, well, in a coma
And on that day
They made the weapon of their undoing
I awoke a month later
But I wasn't the same
I could hear what my nurse was thinking
I could move things with my mind
I found that out
By removing my nurse's panties
With my mind, mind you
No hands you see
Of course, that got me a slap in the face
She had zero appreciation for the technique
Only irritation at the results
And I had male nurses after that
Very hairy, male nurses
It didn't take me long to take the long view
And start testing the limits of my powers
I found I could add suggestions to people's minds
They didn't always do what I suggested
I got a slap from a male nurse that time.
But I digress! It wasn't all about that
I recuperated over the next six months
In both body and mind
When I was finally released
I was ready
Remember I said I could move things with my mind?
Well get this, I could levitate and move myself
What does that equal?
Flying, of course.
Like Super-fucking-man
Oh hell yes
I set out to find the Red Robes
The ones who had attacked
And changed me so
It didn't take a short time
Yes, that's right
Had a little trouble finding them
Reading minds, planting suggestive thoughts, and flying
Are all well and good
And impressive in their own right
But, those things don't turn one into Sherlock Holmes either
Let's just say my detective skills were at the kindergarten level
So now two years into my search
For the dastardly Red Ro.....Hey, ouch!
What the hell was that?
Felt like a bee stung me on the ass......
And, there it is
The twist to my tale
Obvious as fuck too
What a lame-ass story
I'm still in a coma
At LA General
And the Bloods that kicked my ass
Are quite safe, I assure you
No mind powers
I can't even move my hand
To grab the nurse's ass that way
Pretty far from a super hero
At least I'm sort of awake in here
I hear what's going on
I'm sure that won't get old
Or maddening
Or anything
Right?
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