Jesus is the internet
He swallows me whole
On a daily basis
Body, blood, and soul
I can worship him
On a Sunday
Or really any day at all
Every day, is his day
I watch my porn
Growing more perverted by the year
And Jesus is in me
Flowing through me
And out of me
Into this tissue here
Jesus is Amazon.com
He is the Daily Gold Box Deal
He gives me credit
He keeps me real
When I gamble
On the sites from the Caribbean
It's Jesus, who helps me bet my mortgage
That the next roll will be a seven
I confess my sins to Jesus the Internet
As I comment on various blogs
Down with Democrats, Eat the Republicans
Feed their entrails to the hogs
Even as I write this
I'm feeding the Internet called Jesus
Giving bits of data worship
To him that coddles and keeps us
Heaping our creativity
Our greed
Our abbreviations so holy in their brevity
Upon the altar of the Internet
Digitizing my life
Entering 1's and 0's until I cannot stand
Help put Jesus into my life
Holding me in his Tron-like hand
Jesus the Internet, He told me
That I'm on the right path
As I create my spam
To sell my Viagra, or suffer His wrath
From the monastery
Of my workshop shed
The glow of my LCD monitor
Making a halo around my head
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