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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

#242 Stupid List

What I wish I knew
when I was young
Could fill reams
Before I was done

The belly button
Is not a place for change
Or toys
Or any other objects
That is what pockets are for

Women
Are for kissing and cuddling
Pitching the woo
Is a manly thing
Quit wasting time on thy car

Get out of the basement
Drinking with a couple friends is great
But retreating to the basement every night
Is not
That's why your father
Thought you were gay for years
When in fact
You were just an alcoholic

Doing things for people
Is a wonderful thing
But allowing them to use you
In the hopes that they will see
How much you love them
Is not going to end well

Your father was right
Almost 75% of the time
Seriously

A car
Really is
Just for getting from A to B
It's not a fashion statement
It's not who you are
It's just a car
Use it
Maintain it
But don't obsess over it

Getting a Harley Davidson
Does not make your penis bigger
Or make you more attractive

Loud pipes do not save lives
They just piss everyone else off
While you are in your little Harley bubble
Thinking about how awesome
Everyone else must think you are

Food
Is not comfort
Or happiness
Or love
It's just fuel stupid

All those opportunities
That you are too lazy and selfish
To give a shit about now
Will haunt you forever

So many silly things
And many many more
That I'd wished I'd have known
Before I was too old
To do anything about it anymore