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Monday, August 15, 2011

#227 Like a Shart in Church

God bless my underpants
They've given a good go of it
But cotton can only stand so much
Certainly not this ripping good shit

I think I felt it coming
About halfway through the day
I'd just eaten some homemade chili
And it was more than just okay

My tummy rumbled happily
Or so I thought at the time
It was percolating and refining
Fermenting much like a fine wine

Working in the backyard
With nice cool weather for a change
I felt a fart coming on
So I moved downrange

Didn't want to offend anyone, you see

I pretended to look at a bird
When suddenly it hit
This was no fart that cometh
But a great big hairy shit

I clamped my cheeks together
And made for the door
Which suddenly seemed a mile away
When that shit hit the floor

Like a meteor
It burned straight through my pants
Leaving a crater in the ground
Where no grass would ever again advance

And there I stood
Dumbfounded yet relieved
With my ass hanging out my pants
A little embarrassed and deceived

Once again
A sneaky shart had snuck upon me
I should do something about that
But first things first and this final plea

Oh lord
Take these brave underpants
Into your bosom
For they have served so well
Please disregard their appearance
And try to ignore the smell

Amen