Yo Momma Says Your Coding is Lousy

First impressions are everything
And nothing here impresses me
The flash content won't load
And all the Java is a joke
My antivirus program is pinging off the walls
The graphics are making my browser sad
In short I've come to the conclusion
That your coding is bad

I don't know who taught you
Some community college in Singapore
Or maybe you were taught via TRS-80
Learning only BASIC
Perhaps FORTRAN
But certainly nothing more

If I ignore my calendars and clocks
It feels like it's 1993
So basic is your layout
It looks like you're using BBS template number three

I think you should retire
To the basement in your mother's house
Where surely you still live
Maybe even with your spouse

I didn't say you were unlovable
I'll give you that much for sure
It's just your coding skills are lacking
And they'll only look worse in the future
You may even be a wizard between the sheets
Playing the Super NES with your wife
Engaging all manner of archaic cheats

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A START

Does that even work anymore?

Or is it old and outmoded
Like all your website layouts
Hard on the eyes
With slow refresh rates
From dusty servers in Palo Alto
All screaming one simple fact

This web experience is the worst I've ever had

Even your mom says "The coding here is lousy"
To which I say "Where?"
As I prop myself up on an elbow in her bed
She points to it and sure enough it's right frickin' there