Your
hollow words
Do not
change how I feel
Treacly
platitudes
Do not
make the pain
Any less
real
It lives
inside my head
It leaks
into my soul
And fills
up my heart
Until its
black as coal
I make a
hangman's noose
For fun
most every day
But I
won't hang myself
How
boring
Nor cut
myself with a knife
That's
just attention whoring
Ironically
It's my
lack of faith
That
keeps me here
When all
grows dark
And the
stench of hopelessness is near
If I had
faith
In any
god or religion
I could
look forward to heaven and hell
Perhaps
limbo or even reincarnation
Offering
a second chance for salvation
As it is
I see
only one chance
One scant
span
Perhaps
seventy years planned
Everything
I am and know
Is
encapsulated within that time
If time
were a commodity
It would
be precious and fine
It is
what it is
This life
that I have
I am
miserable
But not
all the time
I do
dwell on my past
It's my
right
My past
is mine
I can no
more ignore it
Than I
can stop my own heart
It makes
me who I am
It shapes
my being
So to those
who tell me
To cheer
up
To look
on the bright side
Or even
that they'll pray for me:
Don't you
have
Your own
sins to sow?
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