#334 Once Around the Block Jeeves

Your hollow words

Do not change how I feel

Treacly platitudes

Do not make the pain

Any less real

It lives inside my head

It leaks into my soul

And fills up my heart

Until its black as coal

I make a hangman's noose

For fun most every day

But I won't hang myself

How boring

Nor cut myself with a knife

That's just attention whoring

Ironically

It's my lack of faith

That keeps me here

When all grows dark

And the stench of hopelessness is near

If I had faith

In any god or religion

I could look forward to heaven and hell

Perhaps limbo or even reincarnation

Offering a second chance for salvation

As it is

I see only one chance

One scant span

Perhaps seventy years planned

Everything I am and know

Is encapsulated within that time

If time were a commodity

It would be precious and fine

It is what it is

This life that I have

I am miserable

But not all the time

I do dwell on my past

It's my right

My past is mine

I can no more ignore it

Than I can stop my own heart

It makes me who I am

It shapes my being

So to those who tell me

To cheer up

To look on the bright side

Or even that they'll pray for me:

Don't you have

Your own sins to sow?

#333 Book Of Secrets

Six inches square

Bound in leather

100 pages thick

A little black book

But not for phone numbers

Or for daily diaries

This book is for secrets

What sort

I do not know

It's not for my eyes

Nor for me to show

Can't see

Can't tell

How do I even know it exists?

I am it's guard

A book's man at arms

One might say

I watch over it

Manage it's day to day

Regardless of what's inside

I keep it safe

No fools will I abide

You keep your distance

And we'll be just fine

What I'll do to protect that book

You'll never know until you cross that line

Strategies of kings

Whispers of queens

Infidelities of a prince

A Pope's passions and dreams

Keys to the kingdom

Of riches untold

A combination to the vault

Which holds all the gold

Treasures from the Pharaohs

Valuable, moldy, and old

There for the taking

If you were only so bold

It might be all in that little black book

Or maybe it's not

Dream your little dreams

They're all that you've got

#332 Red

It's bleeding in

I don't know why

I'm certain it won't come off

But I have to try

But not right now

This shirt started today

A vibrant red hue

But now it's faded

Sad and blue

Looks more grey now actually

It started because of the rain

At least that's what it seemed

The red became splotchy

And spread to my skin

It seeped in good

Curdling within

I feel absolutely sick

The feeling compounded

Stacking up like interest

Always upwardly rounded

My organs felt red

I can't even explain what that means

I tried and didn't understand what was said

It sounded like a foreign tongue

Now bathed in redness

From the inside out

All appeared normal

None suspected I was without

Without what?

I can scarcely say it

My soul seemed to be missing

Perhaps this shirt was enchanted

And even right now

Some witch is cackling

With my soul in her jar

Flitting about like a firefly

A tiny contained star

This shirt is an ugly grey

And so the ugly grey covers me

As I stumble ahead

Empty inside

Coated in red

I've even forgotten what I'm missing

Which in this situation may be kind

The redness it appears

Has now spread to my mind

#331 Is Puzzling

How puzzling

This puzzle of mine

It breaks into pieces

And has a limited time

All the bits must fit together

But I have no idea how

I use touch

Light as a feather

And try heavy

As a hammer blow

Neither approach

Has much effect

The puzzle remains

Enigmatic as ever

After some time

I start to come around

To the idea

That it isn't a puzzle at all

That it's just random noise

Strange fitting pieces

That don't belong together

Form no string

Are just random numbers

Generated for effect

For mystery

Like a cynical hipster

Who puts nonsensical sayings

Boldly on a T-shirt

And when someone comments

He'll sneer

With dripping condescension

And inform them

"This isn't a quote

This isn't wisdom

This is something I made up

Just to baffle stupid people

Like you"

Hipsters need a good punch in the snout

Then one day

I wake up slowly

A dream fading quickly in my head

The first thing I see as I sit up

Is the puzzle

Suddenly no longer filling me with dread

It makes sense!

I can see the solution clear in my head

I quickly sit down

My hands and eyes

In coordination for once

And then the puzzle is done

Disappointment washes over me

Deep grief out of proportion

With what has happened

For now

It is no longer a mystery

A riddle of kings

It's just something common

Making me hang my head and weep

For my lost purpose

My opponent

My Joker

I need this feeling to stop

I need a new lover

I grab my keys with purpose on my mind

To buy another puzzle

Worthy of me

At my local hobby shop

#330 Protesting The Protest

God!

But you are despicable!

I loathe everything

That you stand for

Your ideas, thoughts, ethics

Those, and so many more

You

Of the KKK

Of abortion rights

Both for and against

Westboro Baptist Church members

NAACP and MADD

And lately those called OCCUPY

Of Your right to assembly

And freedom of speech

You'd better be glad

Because if it were up to me

I'd put you in jail

I'd throw away the key

But

When the time comes

That I have something to say

A concept to protest

Public opinion I would wish to sway

I want those rights to be there

So that I may have a voice

My freedom of speech

My right to assemble

To exercise

Or not

As is my choice

When I'm there

Saying things

That you might not agree

I don't wish to be pepper sprayed

To be bullied

Or beaten

In the street for all to see

Rubber bullets and zip ties

Bean bags fired from a gun

Tear gas and batons

None sound like any fun

But they are the tools of oppression

Our foe on any given day

If I were to endorse their use on you

I should be fine with those tools

Being turned upon me

But I'm not

So protest

Demonstrate

Do your worst

Do your best

As long as non violence is your tool

Your rights should not be abridged

Freedom won't make you it's fool

#329 Is Black Friday's Bitch

The day is black

But the savings are awesome!

I didn't even know

That I needed a pair of these

What would I do

Without stores telling me my needs?

I'd be lost for certain

With money to spend

And nowhere to end

For the economy

It would be curtains

Doorbusters bust my balls!

I was kicked

I was poked

I was pushed

I might have made a joke

In the end

There can be only one

Who gets that $50 television

And this year

It was me

Oh yeah

Who's the man?

Sitting since three

Icicles on the knees

Very little to spend

On one precious child

Who doesn't understand

The choices between toys and food

Mother stands up to go in

Gets shoved down

Her face stepped in

All in a quest

For this year's hottest toy

At an affordable price

I'm sure her kid will understand

Someday

On this dark Friday

Our hearts grow black with greed

More for our money

Our bottomless need

To feed from the bottom

And keep businesses afloat

Who in turn

Pay pennies per hour

To have your shit made

Slavery isn't gone

It requires no specific skin color

Just a cycle of poverty

Barely staved off

Every payday

By work at the grindstone

Chained by sad ideals

Built link by bitter link

One of which

Writ LARGE

In bold black ink:

NOVEMBER 25

BLACK FRIDAY

#328 Giving Thanks, and Not

Thankful

For all the things

That I should be

And none of the things I shouldn't

For bunnies

For puppies

For Game of Thrones

For Sunday Funnies

For turkey without bones

Certainly not

For Nazis

For pedophiles

Or for ponzis

Can't say thanks enough

For those who love me

For those who hate me

Both keep me on my toes

And force me to grow

I can do without

People who say things

That they think I want to hear

And dreams that showcase

Things that I fear

Thankful for football

But not for the cost to keep it around

Nor for gas prices

But amen to that hot rod sound

Thankful for so many things

And not so much for others

And it's all stuck in my head to stay

On this latest Thanksgiving Day

#327 Eat, Pie, Love

It's a necessity

It's fuel for the body

Soothing for the brain

Feather tickles for the soul

In through the mouth

Warm in the belly

Fulfilling

In every way

3.14159265

Or

Spiced apples

In a flaky crust

Pie is to pi

Is too pleasing to my eye

Even just a slice

A mere one eighth

Of the whole

Is just as good

As 0.39269908

And just as necessary

Ask any aficionado

Of Pye

In through the in

Warmth in the body

Soul glowing hotly

Heart pounding softly

Fuzzy mittens of red

Holding one gently

Silky skin held close

The melding of two beings

The classic heart shape

Seen as she bends over

First thing thought of

When you wake up

Last thing on your mind

As you doze to sleep

It's necessary

All three

Take them in

Feed your soul

Eat - Pie - Love

#326 Like Oil and Glue

What is a boy to do

Your lips of oil

His of glue

All he wants

Is to be stuck on you

You repel

You slide on by

Sidelong looks

So very sly

He clings

To every single thing

His very presence

A constricting ring

When he's close

You can scarcely breathe

His odor an irritant

Making you sneeze

He doesn't know

How to live without you

You not knowing

How to live with

You move away

Distance only serving

As an arousal

Unnatural and unnerving

What to do

What to say

Time to buy a ticket

Not tomorrow but today

This feeling you just found

Sitting deep in your chest

Buoys your steps

As you head west

Waiting to test the theory

Put it to the test

Of how to mate oil and glue

Which way will work best

#325 Aerodynamic Ceiling

I stare up

It stares down

My hazel lidded eyes

It's pale popcorn frown

We are both dated and old

In need of renovation

Neither one of us

Deserving of a standing ovation

Sleep still encrusts

The edges of my eyes

I wipe it away

Crunchy little pseudo styes

Abbreviated bungee jumps

Of dusty cobwebs

Adorn many of the popcorn bumps

Like an old man's sparse thinning hair

As a child I'd lay abed

And pretend the world was upside down

I'd have to step over headers

To go room to room

Going floor to floor

Required a skillful

Stairwell ceiling slide

Fancy ceiling trim

Became exquisitely curved baseboard

Light fixtures transformed

To abstract art installations

Protruding from the new floor

Usually in center room

Eventually

All the blood would rush to my head

I'd have to sit up

And turn reality back up

Walking off on my carpeted ceiling

To brave the unknown of outside

Perhaps to cling to trees and grasses

To avoid the gravity of space

The vacuum sucking at my body

And all earth's gasses

I feel motivated

To scrape the popcorn from the ceiling

Not in the push to modernize

But for the off chance

I might not have shoes on

When next my world flips upside down

And I have to walk on that surface

The bottoms of my feet

Will thank me for it

If that lumpy finish isn't there to pulverize

#324 Dairy Queen Veteran

The local Dairy Queen

On the main street

At the south end of town

Was the best I'd ever seen

The malts they'd make

Would blow your mind

The burgers and fries

The best you'd find

Icon of main street

Witness to many things

Countless first kisses

Exchanges of class rings

Four generations

Of going away parties

John Hodges Sr said goodbye

On a sunny day in July 1942

Smiling and eating ice cream

With his wife and 9 year old son

Before taking off into the wild blue

Another day now 1951

John Hodges Jr this time

Kisses the girls goodbye

Had a burger and ice cream

And the redhead from Rose St.

All three of which

Simply could not be beat

Steve J Hodges in 1970

Ate his ice cream in silence

All alone he kept the tradition

This luck of the Dairy Queen

Stepping onto the bus

His eyes filled with tears

Heart feeling bereft

As he reads a banner in the park

Proclaiming him a baby killer

Before he'd even left

Poor Uncle Steve never came back

In a year closer to now

Another Hodges boy sipped his malt

Dipped his French fries

Taking it all in with his eyes

Surrounded by loved ones

Wishing him luck in Afghanistan

Sat this great grandson

Of great grandpa John

The Dairy Queen sign

Glowing red and white

Cast it's glow upon this scene

It's presence wishing him luck

Whatever that may mean

And when they all hugged him goodbye

His mom trying not to cry

The American flag

Fluttering gently in the breeze

A quiet salute with a bid to come back

For John Hodges the third

Our country's newest Marine

#323 Can Haz No Internetz?

I have no service again

It never seems to fail

Whenever I need it for something

The signal totally bails

Can't look at Facebook

And communicate with my peeps

Or check my email

For messages from creeps

It's making my eyes bleed

To watch the loading icon spin

It knows that I'm in need

But it refuses to give me win

Good thing I'm not horny

With no porn I'd be so screwed

Jaded to most normal things

My imagination has difficulty being lewd

What if I had to check my bank statement?

Buy a tchotchke from amazon

Read all of my blogs

Maybe watch Cesar whisper to dogs

I may have to do the unthinkable

Something that I've dreaded for years

First I have to find some booze that's drinkable

Because actually talking to live people brings me to tears

#322 Last Call

It's 2am again

My glass is empty

The bartender shakes his head

I've missed last call

The snow crunches

As my boots press it down

One crunch at a time

Until I'm home

The bed stands alone

Made up neatly

Dust upon the comforter

Undisturbed in the gloom

The couch creaks

As I collapse into it

Disturbing the cat

Who stalks off

With a backward glance

Pictures on the walls

Look down at me

Covering me in misery

Ghosts of the past

Reminders of loss

Broken glass litters the floor beneath them

From those nights

I couldn't contain my angst

I can't drink enough

To quiet the voices

Punching strangers in the face

Doesn't ease the pain

One day just bleeds into the next

Seems like every one ends the same

On a stool at 2am

Missing last call again

#321 On The Couch

That sinking feeling

Deep in your chest

Is just me

Setting my anchor

Making a nest

My name is Disquiet

Or maybe Vague Sense of Unease

Wait, wait

I think I have to sneeze

Have a seat

Lay right down

I have some sweets

Let's not have a frown

Tell me your troubles

Your childhood issues

Paint me your landscape

In all it's hilarious hues

That black hole

That you have for a heart

That's sucking everyone in

That would be a good start

Was it your father?

Or perhaps your mother?

Maybe you wanted to kill one

And make love to the other?

Right

That's a bit trite

Too on the nose

I can see you want to keep me on my toes

Well here's a prescription

It might help with the shakes

But mind the addiction

I get tired of explaining myself at wakes

My advice is simple

Pack the poison in

The smaller the package

The smaller the problem

I swear it's safe to do

It doesn't create a potential energy issue

This is all just in your mind

You didn't think it was reality did you?

Have a piece of candy

It will make it all better

#320 Sibling Rivalry

Will wonders never cease

The world passes by

I'm stuck here in the crease

Waiting for a feed

That never seems to come

It's made me bitter

That much is clear

I've started resenting things

Both strange and dear

It doesn't matter

Something breeds contempt

You think you know the answer

So simple so trite

It's all just wrapped up in a bow for you

Isn't it

Fuck you

You know I'm right

Go ahead and play that mandolin

Your mommy got it for you

Just because you had a whim

It's shiny and nice

And a deal at the price

Way to be spoiled

Once again

She always liked you best you know

Oh sure she tried not to let it show

But we all know the truth

Though you're slow and uncouth

You can do no wrong

In her eyes

Give me a chance to score already!

I've been open for years

Your selfishness would bring me to tears

If I didn't want to appear strong

In the face of your indifference

Finally

You share with me

And the waiting has poisoned it

Now I don't want it

I light it on fire with my Zippo

And you with it

Later brother

#319 Futility In Motion

Mahogany tabletop

It fills my vision

The exquisite grain

The deep rich color

The smooth finish

Like satin under my fingertips

Spinning silver coins

Fluttered upon this backdrop

One always slower than the next

One always about to fall

One always just started

I can't let them all fall

I don't know why

But I can't

Something might happen

Might be the end of me

Might be the end of you

Doesn't matter

My fingers do their work

Catching the faltering coin deftly

Snapping my fingers

As I spin up the coin again

The firelight shimmering

Upon the blurred rim of the coin

As it performs it revolutions

Orbiting it's constant threat

Of losing it's battle

Against friction

The tabletop

And the air itself

Taking their toll upon it's motion

The next coin is about to fall

I catch it

I snap it

I spin it

I watch it

The next coin slows

Demanding my attention

Catch

Snap

Spin

Watch

The cycle never ends

It's a series of actions

Without much sense

Only happening

Because I do not stop

Because it's what my father did

Because it's what his father did

And his father's father

Continuing to some unseen point

In the genealogical past

I damn the first coin spinner

But I do it under my breath

Careful not to upset my rhythm

I pluck the slowest coin up

And I spin it once again

#318 Ms Clark Steps Out

Patricia Paula Petunia Clark

Stepped out today on a lark

Her pet possum in one arm

Her patent patterned purse in the other

For no reason at all

Pushing a pram

Personally

I'd put the possum in it