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Saturday, December 8, 2012

Free Online Dating

I'm awkward around girls
I can admit that
This is the 2010's now
And being a nerd is quite hip

When it comes to meeting chicks
In this tiny village I call a hometown
Tech savvy potential mates are one in a million
And what with a population of only 1200
The probability only goes down

Google being my friend
Showing me the world I know
With but a keystroke or two
Is naturally the first place I go

First I tried "Online Dating"
Which got me all the regular sites
A Wikipedia entry which was most informative
Followed closely by 
Ok Cupid
Plenty of Fish
And the old standby of eHarmony

One thing was a constant though
I could browse lightly all that I wanted
But to get to the gist of a girl
A credit card was required

Of those I tend to have plenty
One of my own
And an extra list of about twenty
From a Russian database that I hacked

But I'm cheap
Even when it's someone else's money
So I added "Free" to my query

And as soon as I went to them
I was blown away by what I saw
There were the usual suspects
Some widows and divorcees wearing only a bra

But thrown in to the mix
Were some true beauties
Looks that I couldn't scarcely believe
Which made me suspicious
Being burned so many times
Makes me harder to deceive

I texted a couple of the best looking ones
Who specifically stated clearly
That they were looking for 'The One'
I assumed that meant a magnificent self made man like me

Soon the replies came
First tentative
In broken English
Which broke out into long cut and paste paragraphs

At least I assume nobody can type that fast

Saying pretty much the same thing:
"I'm a beautiful girls looking for your sex
Before I can meet you I have to set some things out
I hope it does not deter you
But my father was a millionaire
And I have some strange inheritance clauses
Before I can get the money
I have to marry and take care of certain things
If you could help appreciated it would be"

It seems that you get what you pay for
When trolling for women in the 411 area