Chickens Can't Fly!

That chicken couldn't fly
No matter how hard it tried
No matter how hard it flapped it's wings
Or how high it jumped off of things
It always dropped like a stone
And was lucky it didn't break a bone

In more ways than one
Else it would have been my supper

But I still felt obligated to help
Since it was my chicken and all
So I applied my brain
Drew up some plans
And had a few chicken recipes set out
Just as a backup
Wouldn't want anything to go to waste

First I started simply
By grabbing the chicken and throwing
In different arcs
And different ways
None of it helped
Though I did get a good workout

Next came the catapult
In which the Chicken nestled
Safe and sound
Until I chopped the rope
Then flung high and wide
Right into the pile of target hay
But no flying
Despite the mad flapping
And the mechanical launch assist
There must be another way

That's when we made the cannon
Out of thick PVC
We put our brains together
And determined that propellent was the key
The chicken climbed in
On top of some cotton stuffing
I applied butane liberally to the breech
And it took two months
Until the chicken's feathers grew back

I was in a state of dismay
I figured it was all a waste of time
That was before I caught the chicken
Watching Discovery channel
And sipping my fine wine
It was a show about a flying wing-suit
The chicken thought this was just the ticket
And it planned carefully
As it chewed thoughtfully on a cricket

In yet another month
All was made ready
And on a sunny Sunday morning
A hot air balloon ride was arranged
The chicken in a custom wing-suit
Although I did tell it it looked rather silly
I offered the chicken a backup parachute
But the chicken would have none of it
Off in the balloon that chicken went
Giving me the wing and telling me to get bent

That's kind of how I've arrived here
Sitting at the kitchen table
With a fine roasted chicken center stage
Complete with all the fixings

The chicken went up
The chicken jumped out
The chicken tumbled and fumbled about
The chicken landed with a thud
Amidst varied cries of "Watch out!"

It seemed a shame for the chicken to go to waste
Especially after it had drank all my wine
And so I gave thanks that it had landed on my property
Thus offering such a tasty opportunity to dine