Usually I slept sitting up in the back of the cockpit
Chatting with the crew
Looking at all the instruments
Staring out the window
On one of the sheepskin covered cockpit jump seats
But this trip wasn't about me being comfortable
Or happy, apparently
It started off fine
I was coming off of twenty days in San Francisco
Helping out on the flight line while some guys were on vacation
I'd had a marvelous time for the most part
Took a day away to San Antonio to fix a thrust reverser
But overall a very slow work month
Now time to head back to Detroit to start my week off
I was hitching a ride on a company DC-8
Not posh by any standards
But I was confident that it would get me home safe
A DC-8 just inspires that kind of feeling
At the last minute
Two young guys from the outstation were put on the flight
They were both heading to Detroit for some company training
There was some excitement at the prospect that they could ride in the cockpit
So I bowed out, and opted to ride in the back
After all, I remember being excited too
When things were new to me
The area I was to be sitting in was right behind the closed cockpit
I guess you could call it the entryway area
About eight feet wide
Maybe four feet long
Occupied by a triple coach seat unit
A life raft and some maps in boxes
A camper potty toilet
And me and my bag
The three crew members came aboard
The two young guys set up the jump seats
I flopped on the triple coach seat set
Right next to that camper toilet
No partition of any kind around it
I decided that if someone needed to use the bathroom
I'd retreat to the cargo area for a little while
Being in there at the same time would be too close for comfort
Takeoff was as exciting as usual in an old DC-8
All the shaking and roaring that routinely occurs
This time though
I didn't have the fun of being able to see out of a window
Yeah
There's no windows in the entryway
Unless you count the little six inch porthole in the entry door
Which was about five feet away from me in any case
And I don't count that as a window
Neither should you
It's really only enough to tell you if it is day or night outside
Though I did try to look out of it once we were up and away
It just gave me a headache though
Being that it was all scratched and distorted
The cockpit door was closed
No window to look out of
It smelled like camper potty
I decided to try to read my book for awhile
We were actually flying to Indianapolis
From there I'd have to drive home
I figured that since it had taken about five hours to get to SFO
It would take about the same amount going back
Right?
Wrong
But I wouldn't realize the extent of that until later
I got bored with trying to read after about an hour
There was mild turbulence
And the lighting was shit
So I decided to try taking a nap
A few minutes later after I decided that it seems
The two jump seaters came back
And passed right through into the cargo area
I didn't think much of it
The main cargo deck was the unofficial smoking area
While they were back there
I poked myself into the cockpit to say hello
The crew told me we had a strong headwind
This would add an hour or two to our trip
Which kind of bummed me out
I'd have to kill that much more time
The two other guys showed back up
They smelled more like booze than cigarettes
But the captain didn't say anything
So neither did I
We divvied up the sandwiches
I sat down in my back area
Eating the sandwich killed another ten minutes of so
It was time to seriously kill some hours
I pulled out my pillow and laid across the seats
Paying no attention to the proximity of the toilet
The airplane's constant noise put me to sleep
I was woken up the first time
By the two young guys
One of them had stumbled into me
They were going into the cargo area
For about the umpteenth time
They were pretty well in the bag
I cursed and pulled the blanket up over my head
I was woken up the second time
By the sound of running water
I thought, "What the fuck?" to myself
And I opened my eyes
It took a second to comprehend what I was seeing
About a foot from my face
Was a penis
It was the first officer taking a piss
The way I was laying
My head was over by the toilet area
The first officer looked down at me
I looked up at him
For the second time that flight
I pulled the blanket up over my head
And pretended I was somewhere else
I woke up again a few hours later
Just from the sheer discomfort of my bed
The two armrests in the middle of the seat
Had made permanent dents on my spine
Or so it felt
I checked my watch
There was still a couple hours to go before I could expect to land
I just couldn't sleep anymore
So I got up and paced my area
Five feet over to the entry door
Five feet back to the seats
After doing that a few times
I ducked through the narrow opening on the left side of the fuselage
Stepping into the main cargo area
There was a huge pallet of stuff
All wrapped in plastic
It was in the number one spot
Leaving about a foot or so in front of it
So I walked over to the other sidewall
Between the pallet and the 9g bullkhead
And back
I did that a few times
Then sat down on the plastic wrapped pallet
At least it was different than sitting in those awful seats
But it was just as boring
And it smelled of cigarette smoke and whiskey
Kind of turned my stomach
Things being the way they were
I went back through the little doorway to the entry area
Sitting down in my seat again
Swearing I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again
So of course I did
The next sound I heard
Was the old fasten seat belts chime
With the accompanying 1960's era sign lit up over the cockpit door
When the tires touched down
Marking six and a half hours of flight time
I said a quiet thank you
That the seemingly longest
Most boring
Flight of my life was over
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