How To Build a Thermonuclear Device

How to build a thermonuclear device!
In several easy steps.

For fun!

For profit!

First, and most importantly
You must locate a man
A very small man
The smallest man you can find
And train him well
He must be strong like Mr. Universe
And handsome as the devil
Train him to be a Major League Pitcher
That will go over better than what he's really going to do
Or not
Depending on how bat shit crazy your little man happens to be
Some time must be spent doing this

Having that in the works
Locate a suitable amount of fissile material
Uranium 235
Or as I call it in my most favorite way:
Oak Ridge Alloy
Not to be confused with the Oak Ridge Boys
Who would make a hell of a mess if put under appropriate conditions
But certainly would not explode

Next you build a little room.
I'd make it out of steel or titanium
The little room should be neither too big
Nor too small
For your little aforementioned man to stand in and move about some
It should be rectangular in shape
Roughly four times as long as it is high

These are approximations
And depend on the size and claustrophobia level of your given little man

Now take your Oak Ridge Alloy
Once again
NOT the Oak Ridge Boys
And divide it into two lots of material
One pile being ninety five percent of the whole
And the other the remaining five percent
Form them both into perfect little balls
Or as close as your clumsy fingers can manage

Take the larger sphere
Suspend it at one end of your rectangular box
Approximately halfway up
Use the suspension method of your choosing
A small basket
A bucket
It matters not
As long as there is an open spot facing the other end of the box
This will be important later

Now place the smaller ball of Oak Ridge Alloy in the box as well
Wherever you wish

Next
Lure the little man into the box
Or just tell him to get in there
Once he is inside the box
Seal up the box
Welding is preferred

Now, your bomb is all set to go
Provided a few more little details are addressed

Instruct the little man to pick up the small ball of Oak Ridge Alloy
And throw it as hard as he can at the larger sphere
Aiming for the exact center of it as it is facing him

See?
I told you it was important to leave a small target for the little man!

Upon impact
Your nuclear reaction should begin
Free neutrons flying about and readily sustaining your reaction

For added flair
Consider having your little man say something before he throws his ball
Something religious, or political
A favorite quote perhaps?
It's all up to you

Have fun with your project
And remember
Thermonuclear devices are not toys!
You should only use them on people you do not like