It was a late night
That's my only defense
For my actions
Both ludicrous and intense
I had to make him real you see
Since I was a child
He has haunted me
Bedtime stories
Dreams and nightmares
In equal measure
Promising everything
Delivering nothing
He's the pimp of the north
Robbing this ho blind
But
He didn't exist
Until two years ago
I know
Because I put him together
At two in the morning
The bar closed down
The owner giving me the stink eye
As Frank and I sat
Three sheets to the wind
And not even close to done
One scheme crazier than the last
Frank finally made a case
And damn if it didn't seem to have a chance
So we were in Glendale
in half an hour
Dressed in black
Still drunk as skunks
Busted into the Cryogenics Laboratory
And stole Walt Disney's head
It wasn't his head I wanted
Just what was in it
Next stop
The Los Angeles
County Morgue
To find a proper corpse
For this plan to have body
I looked in drawer after drawer
Until I found a likely candidate
Nice
Mid forties
Caucasian male
About eighty pounds overweight
I poked his belly
And it shook
Like a bowl full of jelly
This was our guy!
Frank did a crazy song and dance
And distracted the guards
While I wheeled out John Doe
To the van in the alley
I set him next to Walt Disney's head
Which was thawing
Back at the lab
And I have no idea how we got there
Tequila is fickle
In what she let's you remember
I got out the bone saws
And tossed one to Frank
He got that look in his eye
And I knew this was just like Christmas
Three hours later
And we were done
Blood was everywhere
Frank wiped his face
And blinked at the sun
Just beginning to shine over the mountains
I didn't have time for a picture though
I grabbed the copper plated clamps
And hooked up the power
Stumbling to the switch
Holding my pounding head
Retching and wishing for a shower
Pulling the lever
Almost wishing it wouldn't work
The body gave a twitch
It's mouth a crooked smirk
Then parting it's lips
It took a breath
Past the grey whiskers
And awoke from death!
First coughing
Then sneezing twice
He sat up slowly
Looking down on us like mice
"HO - HO - HO!"
The throaty laugh filled the lab
It seems he was quite pleased
Not to be on the slab
I smiled at Frank
Frank smiled at me
We both smiled at him
I set up the camera
Taking a picture of us three
Why Walt Disney's head?
You could ask
And you should
I won't take you to task
But I have no time to answer
We're running behind
He's been alive for the second time
For almost two years
And we're almost ready
The sleigh was easy
Just a standard NASA mock up
Paid for by you
The taxpayers
The animals
Not so much
We went through about seventy
Trying to get them to fly
But after some research
Specialized nanobots
Extra modifications
And assorted whatnots
It's almost time
To see my childhood come true
For tonight is Christmas Eve
The perfect debut
The reanimated Walt Disney
Is busy in wardrobe
While Frank loads the sleigh
I'm modifying the harnesses
Some eighty amp cattle prods
ought to make it easier to steer
While flying through the night sky
Pulled by eight rabid cyborg reindeer
Have a Merry Christmas Everybody!
No comments:
Post a Comment