Some have one
Upon each shoulder
An angel on the right
A devil on the left
Pinocchio had Jiminy Cricket
Me?
I have Santa on one side
While on the other
Is the horrid Krampus
When I pushed Sally in the snow
Krampus made me do it
Santa said not to
But Krampus offered me candy
Santa brings you things at Christmas
But only if you are nice
Krampus offers you bribes
Which are immediate
And twice as nice
I lit the school on fire once
Krampus told me to
In exchange for doing so
He gave me a shiny motorcycle
And bailed me out of jail too
"They "
Say that someday I'll pay
For all the bad I've done
But in my opinion
While I've never gotten a thing on Christmas
I've gotten good stuff every other day
Krampus
Will come and stuff you in his sack
He'll take you away!
He'll make you his snack!
Whatever
Krampus is my friend
He advises on Final Four picks
He's my wingman
He helps me pick up chicks
With Krampus by my side
I've milked the economy dry
I run the biggest bank in Manhattan
I use ten banks to keep my coin in
That doesn't mean I'm not cautious though
I have a safe room in the basement
Stocked with guns and ammo
It's own oxygen supply
Batteries and snacks for which to die
Every Christmas Eve
I retreat to that bunker
I lock the doors
And I don't come out
Until December 26th
In the afternoon even
I don't want to run afoul
Of any strange timezones
No sir
Krampus won't find me
I'll be nobody's Christmas dinner
Let alone some hairy horned monster
Who hands out bad advice
From my left shoulder
That was goood but eerie, So different to other poems.
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