Step up, step up
Everyone come and see
As I tell the tale
Of Saggy Boobs McGee
Trunk McGee was his name
Back when we first met
Because he would simply eat
As much as he could get
His girth it grew
Until his measurement around
Was as large as the hundred year oak
In the center of town
When he stood next to the tree
One sunny afternoon in May
“Why he’s as big as that trunk!”
One lady was heard to say
And so the name stuck
For many long years
Until one day
Which brought Trunk tears
It was a ham
From Chicago it was
Wrapped up and covered
Smelling delicious like ham does
Trunk brought it home
And ate it in one sitting
Feeling funny almost right away
He said the doctor needs getting
The doc checked him out
Lectured him on his habits
Suspected the gout
And told him to lay off the rabbits
“It was a ham”, Trunk said.
But the doctor was too far away
And Trunk was left holding his belly
And beginning to sway
In the months to come
He couldn’t hold his weight
No matter how much
He ate and ate and ate
Nobody saw him
Through this whole time
His groceries delivered on the porch
Through the mail slot he’d tip a dime
Until one fall day
The town heard a roar
Was it pain
Was it pleasure
It was triumph
and Trunk did it some more
Out of his house he came
With a weak unsteady pace
Holding a long pale slimy thing
A smile painted on his face
"I got the bugger!"
Holding it up as it squirmed
"It was this that made me so ill
When I ate that ham I got tapewormed!"
But as he said it
His shirt slipped off
Showing all the weight he had lost
All was quiet, then a cough
“His skin, it’s all loose”
Everyone looked on in awe
“Is that even really Trunk?”
“He’s got flat saggy boobs like my grandma”
And so the name stuck
And tho he put back on some of the weight
Saggy Boobs McGee was never the same
And had to come to terms with his state of deflate
It was rumored he kept that worm as a pet
And on one angry night shot it with his gun
Whether that’s true or not
Most agree that the tapeworm won
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