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Monday, July 1, 2013

ELS 5 - Chosen For The Nun

The shorter side stage door line moved quickly
With the five men in front of me being turned away
Sent along with what turned out to be a coupon for a free beer and popcorn at concession

As the last man in front of me moved away
I got a look at the fat bald man sitting on a barstool
His stool wedged in the half open stage door
He had a clipboard and a cup of coffee

Fat bald man eyeballed me from head to toe
Glancing back and forth from his clipboard to me
Then to the doorframe next to him
Where I noticed one of those hash marked stickers you'd see in convenience store doorways
So that the clerks can tell the cops how tall a robber is just by looking at that

With a voice that sounded like a toad's and breath like a sewer bum's
Fat bald man spewed a question towards me
"So you wanna do this, cupcake?"

I nodded with my resolve slowly melting in the onslaught of his stench

"Okay, you'll do"
Looking past me to the rest of the short line, saying
"All done, thanks for trying out
The three of you come here"
As he gestured them forward
Giving all three of the other guys in line their refreshment coupon

One of them trying to give him guff about choosing me
Which fat bald man addressed by crumpling up the coupon and tossing it a few feet down the sidewalk
"Fetch, boy"
He said with a threatening sneer
Pulling his coat open slightly
Revealing the worn butt of a pistol protruding from the front waistband of his fat man trailer park stretch pants

After the last guy from our short line dispersed
Fat bald man hopped off his stool
Revealing himself to be extraordinarily short as well as fat and bald

"C'mon, let's go"
He said

So without much more thought
I followed the little waddling beach ball of a man
As he dragged the stool inside the door and held it open for me

He closed the door as soon as I was through
Locking it with an old sounding "clank"

Darkness surrounded me in the relative dimness of the old service area of the theater
Strange smells and sounds invading my senses
Causing panic to rise like bile in my throat

What the hell was I doing?