I like to think of myself as Robin Hood
It doesn't matter if my name is Goddard
And the people seem to agree
The newspapers only helping me along
As headlines blare
"A Modern Robin Hood!"
In the end
It doesn't matter what they call me
As long as my agenda is pushed onward
And it is simple
I'll break it down in Robin Hoodesque terms
I take from the rich
I give to the poor
Specifically
I murder the rich
Then I take all their stuff
Which gets delivered to various charities
Or passed out in the inner city
I'll admit
The first time was the hardest
About two years ago
I first ding donged that McMansion's front door
"You, have been chosen to donate to the needy
By the National Organization for Economic Equality"
I was particularly proud of the name
It took me several days to come up with it
Immediately after saying that
I put a bullet in the head of that stay at home wife
Then ransacked the place for small valuables
Things appropriate for sharing with the masses
And ended up finding a stash in both the master bedroom
And the basement
That evening
Every church in the inner city got a double fistful of gold and silver
Square in their collection boxes
Downtown
I made massive donations to the homeless shelters
After that
I had no trouble finding volunteers to help me
Now there are Robin Hood branches of the NOoEE
In ten major cities of the U.S.
Although, at this point
It is getting harder and harder to find rich people
They've all started moving out of the cities
Into enclaves in the country
I can see it's time to step up my game
Tonight I'm on my way to Montana
To scope out just such a community
Where the wealthy of the midwest have moved
Which in my opinion
Has only put all their glittery wealth
Into one big basket
For Robin Hood to find
Don't you judge me
This shit is Charity 2.0
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