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Thursday, January 9, 2014

Similies, Metaphors, and Fuck You

"Your honor
Clearly, the sea anemone cannot be faulted for it's built in protection mechanism
And by that same token
My client cannot be found guilty because...."

The judge slams his gavel down several times in annoyance
"Bailiff, escort this son of a bitch from my court room!
I am holding him in contempt of court
And he is to spend two nights in jail"

Judge Calvert looks at the defense attorney intently
"Don't you presume to use a metaphor in MY court room, sir!
Next time, I'll move to have you disbarred"

As this vignette proves
Metaphors are very dangerous things

As a matter of fact
This little exchange is itself a metaphor
But it's so abstract
That I don't know for what

Clearly this can be seen as a simile for life
As just in life
Using the wrong metaphor on the right person
Will get you your ass kicked