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Friday, November 30, 2012

Republic of Walmart

There are no Kroger stores around
So no double coupon days
Nor triple
No gas discounts
No Kroger deli
No Kroger store

And I'm not sure why it matters

My groceries from Walmart seem too ghetto
Even when I get a hoity toity brand
Not to mention the horrid GMO's
It fills my belly
Expands my fat cells
Which is ok
Because I noticed they recently increased the maximum size jeans they carry

Groceries from the 'better' store in town
They are one third more expensive
But it's smaller and tidier
More organics are available
And there are far fewer Walmart shoppers
If you know what I mean

The class warfare in this small Northern town
Is plain to see
The lines are drawn
If you feel poor
You go to Walmart
If you feel rich
You go to the other one
Which in turn makes you feel poor
Thereby sending you to Walmart the next time
Which disgusts you
Sending you back to the deluxe muffin tops place once again

Eventually there will be only one store
Which will have little apartments and villas
For all the Walmart shoppers to live
It's the only place we will be able to afford

And in the far off future
In this country called The Republic of Walmart
We will all pledge allegiance to the winking smily face flag
We will die to defend it

All for the love of lower prices