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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Smart Ways to Die

Sometimes you just don't want to die dumb
No matter where it is you are from
So here is a list of the best and brightest
Six smart ways to die

Driving in your Smart car
Getting rear ended by a semi
Your remains so few
They are committed to the earth in a jar

But you were saving gas and leaving a tiny footprint

That's a smart Smart way to die
There's just no way you can deny

How about a duel to the finish
With a professional telekinetic
Leaving your bones crushed
Beyond the reach of any orthopedic

Hey you can't deny they were both using their brains

So that's another smart way to die
Though the pain's enough to make you cry

Saving all his life like Scrooge McDuck
Only to die in two consecutive money counting avalanches
Smothered under piles of tens and twenties
Surrounded on all sides by his riches

Smart with his money and it grew so big

It was a financially smart way to die
Too bad he couldn't learn to scrape by

Hoarding for the apocalypse
Whether zombie or nuclear it doesn't matter
Her stash caught on fire
And she was killed in a flash

Preparing for emergencies is smart says the Red Cross

It was a cluttered way to die
A fire hazard house that was such a sty

Studying hard for the big test
Stressed out and on stimulants
Until a brain blood vessel burst
And we can assume the worst

Cramming all night to stuff the brain with smarts!

That's such a brilliant way to die
Pushing so hard that the brain does fry

Fasting to connect with oneself
Can be taken to extremes
After a few weeks of it
Leaves you wasted and obscene

Though he did align that last chokra

Such an introspective way to die
He always wanted to be a wise guy

So many smart ways to die
Too bad it's all just a lie
There's really no way to justify
All the supposedly smart ways to die

(They're all pretty dumb)