Polishing my mottled metal mold
Pouring melted molten gold
I've got plenty of ingots
Scarcity isn't the issue
I've been farming for months
Harvesting fish never-ending
Making the same big circle
Around the same big mountain
Mining ore to be smelted
As fast as it regenerates
Finally all the coinage is minted
Cooling on the racks in the back
The symbols upon them in sharp raised relief
From dies so carefully shaped
All in preparation
For a yearly celebration
Of wretched excess and gore
In addition to the shiny new money
I'll be packing my axe and shield
As things often go awry at the store
More often than not if you're keeping score
And to top it all off
It's starting earlier this year
Not that it hasn't been creeping up
A few minutes there
An hour there
Now it just starts the day before it's namesake
Which only pumps me up a bit more
As now I can go to town
And get my business done
Performing the sacred ritual of Black Friday
A little bit early
Call it Black Friday Thursday Night maybe
No?
Well I'll come up with something better I assure
I run the hone down my axe a few more times
Scoop up all of my gold coin
And head down to Wal Mart
Armored head to toe
Ready to make battle
Ready to capture door busters
No matter what the cost
No matter the holiday spirit that may be lost
I line up with everyone else at the door
Pumping five hour energy drinks
Red Bull and Vodka
Swaying lightly
A firm grip on my weapons
The clock ticks down
I charge with a battle cry
Crushing the weak beneath my feet
Slashing the slow out of my way
No compunction to whom I slay
As I grab limited deals and throw them in my cart
I will conquer this day
All the sale items shall be mine
Upon this Bloody Black Friday
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