Bob

The unicorn brought world peace
It's shiny horn a beacon of hope
To single moose and gathered meese
Compressed for the masses upon a soap on a rope

And so Bob attacked it
The unicorn didn't like it
Bob claimed he was faking it
The unicorn was dubious of his denying it

It
Became irritated at being called 'It'
"I have a name goddamned it!!"
Then was silent
Letting our poor ears ring
As it realized
That it had done the same damn thing

The spider observing this
Who was so fucking big he was smoking a cigar
Was shellacked with emotion
No wait
That was actually because of the housewife
She had tried to kill him with furniture polish spray
But had only made him shiny and water resistant
Causing him to say

"Bitch please
I am exoskeletally certain that that shit
Just can't kill me"

But then Bob attacked him
With the soul of his shoe
Doing two things in that act

Proving the existence of a 'soul'
Annoying the cigar smoking spider

Who turned on Bob for attacking him
When he was just minding his own business
Smoking the cigar
Making amusing smoke rings
Out of whatever orifice that spiders use for such things

So the spider rode the unicorn off into the sunset
Leaving Bob behind
And all of his antisocial ways

Don't trust him no matter what he says
Bob has issues