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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Time Machine For Sale

And this can't be any old namby pamby time machine either

I don't want to have to go in the nude
Because, well, that's just wrong and I won't do it
What was good enough for the Terminator
Just isn't good enough for me

It can't be something that only transports my consciousness
Because, why bother?
It could all just be a mad paoti dream if that's the case
Might as well be some cheesy hollywood movie from the 1980's

No, only the real deal will serve my purpose
A purpose that is painfully simple:
I want to go back
To the point a few minutes before I met my wife ten years ago
I want to sneak up on myself
And clobber myself over the head with a frying pan

Thereby ensuring that I won't meet my then future wife

I'll be home free
No wife
No kids
Just an awesome life

I should probably compose a note of some sort
Instructing myself to stay away from committed relationships
And a vasectomy
Definitely get a vasectomy

Don't want any hungry heirs to have to tend to

Where to find such a creature though?

I walk past the complaining wife
And the squalling squabbling children
Into my man cave
I lock the door behind me

Just me, brown shag carpet, all my books, and my computer
Where Google search is the logical first place to look

"Time Machine For Sale"