The Miracle of The Easter Eggs

And so it came to pass
That in the Year of Our Lord 33 Ano Domini
Jesus, who preferred his name to be pronounced as "Hey-soos"
Hung upon the cross above Jerusalem
In great pain
With a cruel crown of thorns upon his head
Piercing his brown skin
Small rivulets of blood streaking his face
Marking him as the King of Jews

After crying out to his father
And anyone else who would listen
His head slumped forward
Beard pressed into his chest
Dead

The Roman soldiers on duty remarked upon this
And one with a spear approached to make sure he was dead
For you are not removed from the cross until you are

Planting his leather sandals in the rocky dirt of the hill
He thrust his strong arms upward
The spear firm in his grip
It's sharp head piercing Jesus' side
Below the ribcage

Removing the spear
The Roman soldier jumped back in shock and awe
As a waterfall of color poured forth from the torn side of Jesus
Hundreds of medium sized eggs tumbled to the ground
With all the colors of the rainbow marking their shells
In numerous and interesting patterns
Not the least miraculous part
Being that none of them cracked

Jesus' followers gathered all the eggs in baskets
Removing themselves from the area as soon as they could take no more
Until only a few women were left
To receive Jesus' body as it was lowered to the ground at last
A seemingly ordinary lifeless body now
No hint of the miracle of the colored eggs marking him in any way

You know the rest:

Jesus was entombed
To arise upon Easter Sunday
Just in time to partake in the First Annual Jerusalem Easter Picnic
With the massive buffet of lamb, kosher ham, and chicken
That was served just after the children's egg hunt

Where all the children of the city
Romped across the landscape
Searching for all those miraculous eggs
That the Apostles had so carefully collected
Then hidden creatively to be found

Thusly was the tradition of the Easter Egg born