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Thursday, May 1, 2014

Twist Tied

The king sized box of twist ties was impossible to resist
Because if my membership to this big box buyer's club has taught me anything
It's that the larger the quantity
The better

These twist ties were of "Industrial Quality!"
And "Extra Long!"
Not to mention "Red!"
All of which turned out to be true
Measuring a full ten inches long by my ruler
With strength being tested by me twisting several of them into an impromptu dog leash
Which even the big dopey poodle couldn't break

Unfortunately I did not have any twist tie specific jobs for these bad boys
The fact of which may have depressed a lesser man
But not me
No sirree

I simply set the whole box next to my favorite chair
And turned on the 24 hour cartoon channel
Giving me an excuse to sit there and play with them

The first cartoon starred some animals from Africa
So many of the first twist ties became giraffes and lions
At least that's what they were to me
I can't say for sure if someone just walking in would be able to tell
But I like to think so

But I soon got sick of making little animals
And began idly wrapping them around my fingers
In one continuous twist tie
By twisting the ends of the ties together
Becoming whatever length I though I'd need

Around each finger on my left hand
Continuing to the palm area
And right up my forearm
Making the niftiest thing I'd ever seen

I knew where this was going
So I immediately stopped and took off all of my clothes
As any sane person would
Then continuing to wrap the never-ending twist ties around myself
One loop at a time

The clock's hands moved at normal speed
But I paid them no mind
As cartoon program after program came and went upon the television
All just background chatter for my body wrapping project

The mirror on the wall provided a fine view of how things looked
As I worked on my lower left shin
And I was just thinking how I resembled a snazzy red wrapped mummy man
When my roommate walked right in

Groceries in both hands
He stopped and stared at me
Glanced at the side table
And declared
"Nice little giraffes"

Before continuing to the kitchen