Magical Daily Affirmation Mirror

"You are beautiful
Just as you were meant to be
Accept yourself and be free"

Daily affirmations like this and many others
Poured forth in an unending stream
In all the different languages
A cacophony to make one scream

"My goodness how intelligent you are
Your word power is great
And must be used with wisdom and care"

Sometimes the affirmations seem to be reaching
Like the time I got a compliment on my mullet
Though it only lasted minutes before the golden hair grew back
It was typical of what the mirror tries shoving down my gullet

"Your reflection in me is but a shade of who you are
Your greatness cannot be quantified by any visual means"

See what I mean?

I picked up this Daily Affirmation Mirror on QVC
It was seven-fifty with free shipping
And I would have thought that the batteries would have run out
But it's gone at fifty affirmations a day for twelve years now without skipping

"My goodness your breath is sweet today
It smells of prairie flowers"

God but I can't stand this thing
And it seems magically stuck to my wall
Remaining in place regardless of the force that I bring
I even tried to break it with the anguished toss of a bowling ball

"The shape of your nose if perfect
I love the way that it lightly turns up at the tip"

None of this would be so bad if I could get away
But I'm stuck in a ten story tower with nary a door nor stair
Oh but I think I hear something outside!
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, please let down your hair"

"That gown you have on is most lovely
It seems even better than the one you had yesterday
The purple brings out your eyes......"

Oh do shut up Magic Daily Affirmation Mirror
I think this might be my ticket out of here!