Comfy Not For Zombies Chair

This chair is comfortable
It's just not the kind of chair you'd smash apart
To use the long pieces as stabbing utensils on roving hordes of zombies

I'm no furniture expert
But I know what I like
And this old chair
With its broad wooden seat
With lightly carved pockets for each cheek of my butt
It is almost as if I was the very model that the carpenter used to make it
Sitting down is like being cupped in a silken hand
Perfectly supported

Even the back of the chair somehow conforms to my back
With eight long spindles supporting the back piece
With a handy oval hold in the center
Which I use to grab onto and drag the chair around the house as needed

That top bit hits just the right spot on my back
Especially when I sit down without my shirt on
To feel the cool surface of the wood pressing upon my skin

It's almost arousing

Which brings me back to zombies
Which are everywhere

I've been barricaded in for three weeks
As herds of them wander aimlessly through town
While I sit here in this fabulous chair
Tummy rumbling
Empty

I'm making a break for it
But before I go I'll stick this little sign here on the chair
Just so everyone knows how comfortable it is
And is not to be used for zombies