7th Day of Christmas

The seventh day of Christmas
Taunted me to thee
Teasing cherry dreams
And spent spoiled creams
All curdled in a bowl of rye

Swept from my oak table
With a forearm full of hungry rage
I went forth into the wild for some prey
Something free range and not from a cage

Feeling inspired I found a killer bee hive
Repelling them with my manimal stench
I alighted with honeycomb under each arm
Making for a landmark called The Bear Trench

Arriving at the spot
I broke out the honey
Smearing it on from head to hairy toe
Then running and leaping like a huge ugly bunny

I flipped in the air with grace belying my size
Arriving back-first and right side up
Ten feet in the air and a sight to see
Firmly stuck with honey to the bark of an oak tree

It was then that I started to call out
In a wild bear call that I'd learned from a wizard
Which worked nine times out of ten
The trick was to vibrate the sound inside the gizzard

Soon from deep in the ravine woods
Came a growling and crashing
A black bear smashing into view
Teeth flashing and gnashing!

When the distance was right
I pushed off from that tree
With a roar from the floor of my diaphragm
I did tackle that bear
Sending fur flying till I could scarcely see

Now on this seventh day of Christmas
Also happening to be New Year's Eve
I give thanks and celebrate the year in passing
With two inch thick barbecued bear steaks
So good that you'd scarcely believe