Four For Uncle Tom

The fourth of May is Quatro de Mayo
Which is properly pronounced as:
"Kwa-Troe Day Mayo(nnaise)"
Or at least that's what Uncle Tom says

Uncle Tom tells of things in fours
Four are the toes on each of his feet
Four are the times he has fought in wars
Four are the times that true love he will meet

There aren't literally four toes on each of his feet
Uncle Tom lost the two smallest toes on his left foot when he was eight
Something about rusty metal in a river
And always be careful when you swim
You should always wear shoes

And having eight toes total
Well, that averages out to four per foot
There is no arguing with him

Somehow he fought in four wars
Uncle Tom caught the end of Vietnam when he was eighteen
Spent six months in the jungle
Making not a shitting bit of difference
Except to the other members of his platoon

Then he got to go to Grenada
And eventually Beirut
Which put him off his career goals
Something about a discipline problem
A lot of time picking up trash and sleeping in the stockade

Uncle Tom retired from the Army
Tried being an electrician
He claims he tried four different employers
None of which worked out for one reason or another

One of which called the cops on Uncle Tom
After Tom punched him four times in the face
Causing four separate medical procedures
And four thousand dollars in bills

Uncle Tom signed back up for the Persian Gulf War
And was sent over to repair equipment in the motor pool
He claims that he got to fire four shots at the enemy
And that makes it count as 'fighting'
Hence he can claim to have fought in four wars

Uncle Tom met his first true love when he was fifteen
She didn't want anything to do with him
And when he kissed her
She told her daddy
And her daddy told Tom's daddy
And that was that for first true love

Uncle Tom's second true love was at seventeen
Two months before his eighteenth birthday he got her pregnant
Which got them married
And him signed up for the Army and Vietnam
When he got back she was gone
The marriage was annulled
She hadn't been pregnant
All a false alarm you see

That rabbit had died of natural causes

Uncle Tom's third true love was a cute Korean girl
And that relationship lasted until he met her parents
Who hadn't approved
And had called the base commander on him
Making for some of his time picking up trash and sleeping in the stockade

Uncle Tom is still looking for his fourth true love
In this modern age of the internet and speed dating
So far there haven't been any prospects that have pleased him much
And he lives alone in a little log cabin near a stream
A dog, a cat, some chickens and a dream

A simple love and a simple dream
That may end up being his fourth true love after all