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Saturday, May 4, 2013

Another Aircraft Gremlin

The silver aircraft flew through the night
A full moon reflecting off of it's polished hide
Looking fantastic in the clear air at twenty thousand feet
Clipping along at three hundred miles per hour
The four Pratt & Whitney R-2800 Double Wasp radial engines are purring
Pulling the Douglas DC-6B along with almost invisible propellers

A stewardess, named Mary, is straightening her uniform in a lavatory mirror
Making sure her little American Airlines winged pin is straight
Her blue hat pinned in place perfectly
She touches up her lipstick carefully
But of course, just as she does, the airplane jostles itself in the air slightly
Making a little smear above her upper lip
Mary frowns and dabs at it with a bit of paper towel
Unaware of what has caused the slight disturbance

Five minutes before....

In the trailing edge of the left wing
Just along the rear wing spar
In a spot no different or special than any other
A tiny six inch door had suddenly appeared
The door slowly opened
Revealing a set of glowing eyes
Belonging to a strange little creature
A creature that stepped out of the door
Onto the lower trailing edge skin panel like he owned the place

A gremlin had arrived on the scene

A hair under six inches tall
And looking like a gnome that someone's grandmother would have on the front lawn
But without the hat
Because those are just silly
The gremlin was a caricature of mischief
With a long mustache that it was currently twirling between the thumb and index finger of one hand
As it eyed what was around it in the area of the trailing edge of the wing

Some aileron cables were running near it's head
And the gremlin reached up and touched them
Pulling his hand back in disgust
As the cables were greasy

Muttering to itself now
In some strange gremlin tongue
It pulled some gloves out of it's jacket and put them on
This time it didn't just touch the aileron cable
It grabbed ahold and hung on it
But wasn't satisfied with the results

So instead, he placed his little feet firmly on the wing panel below
And pushed up on the cable as hard as he could
Then released the tension
Only to do it again a second later
Keeping this up for a time and raising a terrific gremlin sweat

All these gremlin calisthenics were creating quite the effect
The large silver aircraft was rocking back and forth very small amounts
But sharply and with a steady rhythm
Much to the puzzlement of the crew
Who were fiddling with the autopilot and talking amongst themselves
Unsure of what was causing this behavior

Their riddle was short lived however
As the gremlin had tired quickly of all the physical activity
And was retreating back to his magical little door
Jumping through, and pulling it shut behind him
All traces of the six inch opening disappearing completely as he did so

Less than a minute later
The now familiar door reappeared
This time on the stainless steel surface of the number two engine firewall
Opening wide to show the gremlin
Who was already prepared for this new and noisy place
With little yellow ear muffs over his ears
A small bag in one hand
A sharp stick half as tall as he was in the other

Stepping out of the doorway and walking daintily along the tubular engine mount lattice
The gremlin made his way to the bank of engine cylinders
And set his bag and stick down
Both of which magically did not vibrate away with the buzzing of the large engine
Taking both of his still gloved hands and wrapping them around one of the spark plug wires
The gremlin pulled
Using his legs and not his back
For he was a smart gremlin
Until the wire popped off the end of the spark plug

The engine started missing slightly when this occurred
Sending the flight crew into a flurry of speculation once again
Wondering what had happened to the ignition system on that engine
But figuring that a plug had gone bad

The gremlin placed the end of the plug wire down on the metal heat shield
And held it there with his foot

The metal end of the plug wire was about an eighth of an inch from the metal
And there was a regular arc going from it to the heat shield
The electricity that the magneto was sending along it intended for the plug in the cylinder
Now just arcing to ground under the gremlin's supervision

The gremlin calmly picked up his bag
Opening it up he peered inside and grabbed at something
In his hand he pulled out two marshmallows
Which were put onto the end of the stick as quick as you please

The gremlin then stuck the marshmallow end of the stick right next to the arcing plug wire
Soon creating a pair of perfectly toasted marshmallows

The mysterious little bag then produced a graham cracker and a bit of chocolate
Which provided the gremlin with everything he needed for a delightful little s'more snack
Enjoyed with gremlin gusto right there on the backside of that Pratt & Whitney engine
At twenty thousand feet and three hundred miles per hour

Upon finishing his snack
The gremlin put the spark plug wire back on the appropriate spark plug
Which had the flight crew revising it's notes to the maintenance staff again
He picked up his things
Made his way back along the tubular engine mount as easy as you please
And back through the little magic door
Into whatever place that the gremlin calls home
Shutting it as he went

His work here complete


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