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Copyright: Fred Robel, and Fritz365 2010-2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Fred Robel and Fritz365 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Community Violation


You have violated our community guidelines
That bar profanity and sexually explicit content.
For your convenience we'll handle you gently
And the guidelines will be reiterated presently:

Due to our desire
To appeal to varied audience
And stoke a tame creative fire
We only ban certain things to maintain a balance

For example we don't ban all seven of the Dirty Words!
Of shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker tits
Only six are banned outright
With two available for use under proper contextual light!

Piss is always allowed
As a bodily function it can add zest to any poet's work
So feel free to piss on this or that
Consider it yours as a post pissing perk

Cunt could sometimes be allowed
When used to berate one's best mate
In the best way possible
Seeing as how he's a good cunt to drink a pint with

Cunt could never be allowed
When in reference to the female genitalia
Every American conservative conservationist knows
That's one slimy slobbery gibbering gash that only grows and horribly grows!

Tits is also allowed when writing of the Paridae and its high pitched wit
This large family of passerine birds includes the Tit
And in this context Titmouse and Tomtit would also be lovely
Describing pretty little flying bits with some things in common with your pet budgie

Tits would be horrifying to both pixel and printed page
Were you to use it in description of mammalian mammaries
Women would scream
Children would cry
Men would grow stoic
And would only result in a stern presentation of the birds and the bees

Those three are the only ones allowable in our great Google Group
One for always and two for sometimes
Which leaves us with four more to discuss briefly
But which never should ever be used specifically

Shit should never be used at all
Whether referring to excrement
Or used as startled exclamation
It just sticks in our craw like an unwanted shit ration

Fuck is just a vulgar set of letters
And using it sets you lower than your betters
Who would look down upon this descriptive noun
Describing the finest activity of reproductively getting down

Cocksucker is a terrible word and even worse thing to do
So Shocking to utter or scribe we have a saying to help avoid it
As cribbed from our sisters from their Temperance movement towers
"Lips that touch cock shall never touch ours!"

Motherfucker is just the worst kind of word
It walks into the bar and orders a whiskey
Cheats its way through the card tables
Before giving its mother a high inner thigh hickey
It is the worst
And makes us fit to burst
You can't make us tolerate its use
Not even if that mother needs it so bad she's knitting up a noose!

These rules are for everyone's protected enjoyment
Art is only art when it adheres to rules
Any other kind we simply do not need