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Sunday, October 6, 2013

A Day In The Life of a Choose Your Own Adventureman

Five AM finds me rolling out of bed
Shaking my brain awake
Everything a blurry fury
Until I find my glasses

Six AM finds me showered dressed and fed
Walking into the morning dark
Still wearing a carpet of stars overhead
To the twenty one year old car that is my everyday ride
Later I could legally take it out for a beer

Seven AM finds me falling into a wormhole
Which had suddenly appeared right where the old Bear Track Inn used to be
Swallowing my car and myself
All travelling at a sane 57 miles per hour

There was no way to mark time after that
For after crashing nose first into a copse of maple trees
My iPhone was cracked wide open
Sputtering sparks upon my old car seats
Setting them ablaze
With such speed that I barely escaped with my shoulder bag
Full of many useless items and papers

The more useful things it held were numbered three:
My lunch
My Leatherman
My extendable mirror

But I hadn't even inventoried the bag as of yet
Having just tumbled from the burning compact car
And flopping flat upon my back in a nearby clearing
Staring straight up at the sky
Which contained the aforementioned wormhole's South exit end

At least that's what I called it
As it was the end that I had popped out of
Like shit from the South end of a North bound chicken

I can't guess with any accuracy how long I stared up at the wormhole
It was full of stars
Twisting and turning along with clouds and curds and whey
Along with a million other things I had no hint of a name for
Their appearance being so alien to me

Presently I realized I was getting a headache from the chemical smoke
Which was still coming off of the remains of my car
So I rolled to my side and slowly gained my feet

Turning in a slow circle
Seeing mostly dense forest all around me
I realized that I was standing on a sort of path

Maybe it was just what I'd call a deer track
Or it could be a lightly traveled footpath

In one direction it appeared to head towards more open ground in the distance

In the other
It quickly disappeared into a foreboding dimly lit forest thicket

~If you choose to go towards the open ground, go to page 77~

~If the foreboding thicket seems like a better choice, run to page 89~