Boys Will Be Boys

"Boys Will Be Boys"
The photo caption said

It looked out of place in this exhibition
Along with all the bright watercolors and handmade sculpture
Going with the whole Art Of Children theme

But this picture stood out
This slice of boyhood
Showing a mix of emotion on the four boy's faces
Grim satisfaction
Queasy doubt 
Fake grown-up manliness
A hint of regret

In short
The most common feelings that happen all too often
Immediately following most situations and hi jinks
That result in some disinterested grown-up saying those old words:

"Boys will be boys"

Curve Knuckle Run Safe Maybe

Curve spittle curve right left straight
Hands clenched upon the bat's ratty grip
This is the pitch I've come to hate
A swing and a miss just a little too much side slip

Knuckle grip twisted finger high rate sink
Ready once again in a pre swing funk
I read this one coming before I could even think
Arms swinging in reaction shattering the bat for the junk

It didn't go far and it didn't go fast
I ran for it anyways because it's in my contract
The pitcher scoops the squib and throws but I won't be last
Aiming for the bag at full speed prepare for first baseman contact

All three of us knocked unconscious from the impact
The first baseman, the umpire, and me the runner I
Who was out and who was safe
Who can say oh say ain't baseball great

Another Aircraft Gremlin

The silver aircraft flew through the night
A full moon reflecting off of it's polished hide
Looking fantastic in the clear air at twenty thousand feet
Clipping along at three hundred miles per hour
The four Pratt & Whitney R-2800 Double Wasp radial engines are purring
Pulling the Douglas DC-6B along with almost invisible propellers

A stewardess, named Mary, is straightening her uniform in a lavatory mirror
Making sure her little American Airlines winged pin is straight
Her blue hat pinned in place perfectly
She touches up her lipstick carefully
But of course, just as she does, the airplane jostles itself in the air slightly
Making a little smear above her upper lip
Mary frowns and dabs at it with a bit of paper towel
Unaware of what has caused the slight disturbance

Five minutes before....

In the trailing edge of the left wing
Just along the rear wing spar
In a spot no different or special than any other
A tiny six inch door had suddenly appeared
The door slowly opened
Revealing a set of glowing eyes
Belonging to a strange little creature
A creature that stepped out of the door
Onto the lower trailing edge skin panel like he owned the place

A gremlin had arrived on the scene

A hair under six inches tall
And looking like a gnome that someone's grandmother would have on the front lawn
But without the hat
Because those are just silly
The gremlin was a caricature of mischief
With a long mustache that it was currently twirling between the thumb and index finger of one hand
As it eyed what was around it in the area of the trailing edge of the wing

Some aileron cables were running near it's head
And the gremlin reached up and touched them
Pulling his hand back in disgust
As the cables were greasy

Muttering to itself now
In some strange gremlin tongue
It pulled some gloves out of it's jacket and put them on
This time it didn't just touch the aileron cable
It grabbed ahold and hung on it
But wasn't satisfied with the results

So instead, he placed his little feet firmly on the wing panel below
And pushed up on the cable as hard as he could
Then released the tension
Only to do it again a second later
Keeping this up for a time and raising a terrific gremlin sweat

All these gremlin calisthenics were creating quite the effect
The large silver aircraft was rocking back and forth very small amounts
But sharply and with a steady rhythm
Much to the puzzlement of the crew
Who were fiddling with the autopilot and talking amongst themselves
Unsure of what was causing this behavior

Their riddle was short lived however
As the gremlin had tired quickly of all the physical activity
And was retreating back to his magical little door
Jumping through, and pulling it shut behind him
All traces of the six inch opening disappearing completely as he did so

Less than a minute later
The now familiar door reappeared
This time on the stainless steel surface of the number two engine firewall
Opening wide to show the gremlin
Who was already prepared for this new and noisy place
With little yellow ear muffs over his ears
A small bag in one hand
A sharp stick half as tall as he was in the other

Stepping out of the doorway and walking daintily along the tubular engine mount lattice
The gremlin made his way to the bank of engine cylinders
And set his bag and stick down
Both of which magically did not vibrate away with the buzzing of the large engine
Taking both of his still gloved hands and wrapping them around one of the spark plug wires
The gremlin pulled
Using his legs and not his back
For he was a smart gremlin
Until the wire popped off the end of the spark plug

The engine started missing slightly when this occurred
Sending the flight crew into a flurry of speculation once again
Wondering what had happened to the ignition system on that engine
But figuring that a plug had gone bad

The gremlin placed the end of the plug wire down on the metal heat shield
And held it there with his foot

The metal end of the plug wire was about an eighth of an inch from the metal
And there was a regular arc going from it to the heat shield
The electricity that the magneto was sending along it intended for the plug in the cylinder
Now just arcing to ground under the gremlin's supervision

The gremlin calmly picked up his bag
Opening it up he peered inside and grabbed at something
In his hand he pulled out two marshmallows
Which were put onto the end of the stick as quick as you please

The gremlin then stuck the marshmallow end of the stick right next to the arcing plug wire
Soon creating a pair of perfectly toasted marshmallows

The mysterious little bag then produced a graham cracker and a bit of chocolate
Which provided the gremlin with everything he needed for a delightful little s'more snack
Enjoyed with gremlin gusto right there on the backside of that Pratt & Whitney engine
At twenty thousand feet and three hundred miles per hour

Upon finishing his snack
The gremlin put the spark plug wire back on the appropriate spark plug
Which had the flight crew revising it's notes to the maintenance staff again
He picked up his things
Made his way back along the tubular engine mount as easy as you please
And back through the little magic door
Into whatever place that the gremlin calls home
Shutting it as he went

His work here complete

Four For Uncle Tom

The fourth of May is Quatro de Mayo
Which is properly pronounced as:
"Kwa-Troe Day Mayo(nnaise)"
Or at least that's what Uncle Tom says

Uncle Tom tells of things in fours
Four are the toes on each of his feet
Four are the times he has fought in wars
Four are the times that true love he will meet

There aren't literally four toes on each of his feet
Uncle Tom lost the two smallest toes on his left foot when he was eight
Something about rusty metal in a river
And always be careful when you swim
You should always wear shoes

And having eight toes total
Well, that averages out to four per foot
There is no arguing with him

Somehow he fought in four wars
Uncle Tom caught the end of Vietnam when he was eighteen
Spent six months in the jungle
Making not a shitting bit of difference
Except to the other members of his platoon

Then he got to go to Grenada
And eventually Beirut
Which put him off his career goals
Something about a discipline problem
A lot of time picking up trash and sleeping in the stockade

Uncle Tom retired from the Army
Tried being an electrician
He claims he tried four different employers
None of which worked out for one reason or another

One of which called the cops on Uncle Tom
After Tom punched him four times in the face
Causing four separate medical procedures
And four thousand dollars in bills

Uncle Tom signed back up for the Persian Gulf War
And was sent over to repair equipment in the motor pool
He claims that he got to fire four shots at the enemy
And that makes it count as 'fighting'
Hence he can claim to have fought in four wars

Uncle Tom met his first true love when he was fifteen
She didn't want anything to do with him
And when he kissed her
She told her daddy
And her daddy told Tom's daddy
And that was that for first true love

Uncle Tom's second true love was at seventeen
Two months before his eighteenth birthday he got her pregnant
Which got them married
And him signed up for the Army and Vietnam
When he got back she was gone
The marriage was annulled
She hadn't been pregnant
All a false alarm you see

That rabbit had died of natural causes

Uncle Tom's third true love was a cute Korean girl
And that relationship lasted until he met her parents
Who hadn't approved
And had called the base commander on him
Making for some of his time picking up trash and sleeping in the stockade

Uncle Tom is still looking for his fourth true love
In this modern age of the internet and speed dating
So far there haven't been any prospects that have pleased him much
And he lives alone in a little log cabin near a stream
A dog, a cat, some chickens and a dream

A simple love and a simple dream
That may end up being his fourth true love after all

The Banana of Mystery

Oh mighty banana lying on the side of the road
Nestled in the grasses being eyed by a toad
How didest thou end up in such a predicament?
Did you walk here yourself?
Which would shake all belief and the firmament

The answer lies in a clue nearby
An errant left hand glove
Now out of season
Laying not far from a pencil
And a small plastic Pokemon figure

This was the kid's bus stop area
MY kids

Leaving things all about the place
Is really just their modus operandi
Common to them in every way
Demonstrated as I trip over their things

Every day

Viewed as such
The banana wasn't anything unusual
Except for the fact that I'd found it before it had gotten rotten
Really only hours after it had been left there
Inexplicably by itself in the grass

I may ask them about it
Though the answer will be a typical "I don't know"
Or the all too frequent "I don't remember"
As to the reason why

So I'm taking it to work with me
I bought and paid for this pernicious plantain
And if by some small chance
A nefarious plot was undertaken
To poison bananas and leave them near children's bus stops in rural Michigan

Well
It's been nice knowing you

Monarch of The Cranberry Bog

A cocoa colored cranberry bog captain
Sailed his berry sea
Hemmed in on all sides by grassy earthen mounds topped with hedges
And one red door, to which only he had a key
Tending his crop of small red and round
Bobbing and bouncing as far as his eye can see

Sometimes
The captain farmer got out of his little boat
Into the water under the bumpy carpet of crimson
Hides until only his eyes show as he lets himself float
And from his low floaty hiding place
The berries seem as large as boulders
An almost impassable terrain
Extending all around
A kingdom for this farmer captain to rule

Sometimes
When this farmer captainking floats so low in the bog
A lightfooted mouse or chipmunk will make it's way across the scenery
Oblivious to their precarious path
Only focused on getting to the other side

Once
A cat chased a mouse through the hedge and into the bog
The mouse daintily moused it's way across the floating fruit
Whereas the cat stepped right through
Disappearing for a moment before bobbing up
It's wet haired head miserably making it's way back to the hedge
Climbing out and disappearing after shaking itself
Water flying away from it like an explosion

Occasionally
A duck would paddle it's way across the bog
Never noticing the sitting regal monarch
Mostly hidden up to his nose and eyes
Brown forehead and black hair bobbing gently
The duck's chest breaking through the crop
A tiny feathered ship's bow on this strange square sea

Times like these
The hidden floating farmer captain king felt at peace
Certain that there was no place else that he would rather be

The Clothes Fake The Man

In he walked
Full of self assurance
His hair was perfect
With the wispy hint of a mullet resting on the collar of his leather jacket

I couldn't take my eyes off that jacket
It was made of brown leather
Cut in the classic World War II pilot style
And it was covered in patches

I surreptitiously followed him
Staring at his back
Reading all the patches

There were several from the Air Force
Various Edwards Air Force Base projects illustrated
In all their sewn glory
High altitude tests
Speed records
Electronic package proving tests

Then there were civilian ones
Motorcycle ones mostly
Marking visits to Sturgis South Dakota
The Daytona 200 in Florida
And the obligatory Bike Week patch to go with it

There was a whole string of smaller patches down the arms
All showing places that he had been
Most were different states
Some were countries
All cleverly shaped to look like their geographical counterparts
With the name across them

We came to a crosswalk
The Do Not Walk red hand was on
So we had to stop
And I took the opportunity to sidle up next to him
Trying not to be creepy

"Excuse me"
I timidly said
And he looked my way
With his strong jaw and knowing smile
"I've been checking out your jacket
And I really love it"

His smile got broader as I praised his jacket
"Thanks man, I like it too"

But I wasn't done
I wanted more
"Hey, I used to work with a few guys from Edwards
They were in the Flight Test squadron too"
I rattled off their names
I was trying to be a part of the jacket's mystique
Even though I felt a little fake doing it

He hesitated
His jaw not quite as strong
His manner not quite as assured suddenly

"Oh, um, I haven't actually been any of those places really...."
He stopped making solid eye contact with me
"This was my uncle's jacket
And it doesn't fit him anymore
So I kind of took charge of it"

The green Walk signal came up on the crosswalk
And away he went
Leaving me standing there disappointed

"It sure is cool though, eh?"
He said over his shoulder
And then he was gone

I was so put out
I turned around and went back the other way
As if following him would diminish me in some manner

I reflected on the old saying:
The Clothes Make The Man

Though in this case it seems as if the clothes were a little greater than the man
Clothing a great pretender
Clad in thick cow leather
And stolen hand sewn glory

As meaningful as putting something on a store mannequin
Where the thing that wears the clothes isn't the centerpiece
But the clothes themselves
The man underneath just a fake outline of a person

And not who you thought it was at all