Universal Sandwichinator

Lunchmeat of questionable origin and quality approaches my smoothly cut surface
Nothing but the finest Japanese blade for a fine nine grain such as I
Leaving dual plane plateaus for stacking and snacking
Ultimately a place for the cleanest of fingertips to grip
Indenting the soft firmness of my face

A tingle as the thinly sliced slivers touch me
Alerting me to danger
Causing me to totally post-baking ferment out
Swelling complex starchy structures
Splitting the crust of conformity
That once held me to the flame

Ruffled and cheap
The meat falls in a disorderly tainted heap
A poison left for the rodents of the world
Now beneath my notice as I am a size apart
Clasping the form that once cut me to size
Betwixt my squishy thighs
Shocked by the sudden restraint
I get no resistance to assimilation
Sucking down thought and feeling with equal gusto
Feeding an insatiable growth that swells inside

Now growing with no thought to control
Then taking in everything in the surround
Exponentially becoming the biggest thing around
Becoming a brand new recipe of nine grains moons planets and stars

Two slices large enough to thoughtfully encompass the everything
Into a universal sandwich from the galactic deli
A food fit for a god's plate

Mr Tuxedo Duperstar

Harry Tuxedo was no like other men

He signed autographs with a hamburger

And often ate with a pen

His doctor told him to straighten up or it would kill him

And sure enough

One day he accidentally ate his hamburger

And signed for a bill with his pen

When the groupies noticed they tore him limb from insincere limb

The autopsy found him to be quite normal

Whatever had made him a celebrity

Was not discernible in post mortem

Origin Continuation #1 (A Tale of Earth 52.5)

The stars had lulled me to sleep at last
With their icy cold fingered song wrapped around my throat
Causing a curious pain in my left leg
As if the constellations had come alive
To poke and laugh at the injury that keeps me from their company

Though they'd have to walk through a hell of a mess to get to me
Past shattered bottles from benders long past
Shards of glass from portraits ground underfoot
Filled with faces of those who no longer are my loved ones
And one tangled up prosthetic leg
All cables, stainless brackets, and mahogany
Wearing a size 10 Doc Martin boot
Which is a match for no footwear I own

Medals upon the wall tinkle on their velvet board
Touched by the breeze coming in through the open window
A wind chime come alive to clap me on the back
For courage
For bravery
For many other things that all add up to one thing:
Stupidity

Wrong place at the wrong time
Just another hero blown to bits
Asleep in my chrome chair
Before wide open double french doors
Standing atop a short sweep of flagstones to the swimming pool
Rippling in that same moving air
Reflecting those same sorry stars

Holding a streak of light that my passed out eyes miss
But not the sharp crack of a shock wave that startles me back to the world
Just in time to see a dim glow upon the horizon
And more streaks in the night sky

Arcing Earthward
In an almost lovely coordinated dance
Suddenly too numerous to count the beat to

Wolves, Klingons, and a Reversal of Sequence

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?
Well, me, actually
Sharp teeth, growling, dirty grey fur
Pretty scary stuff really

When the wolf-man came to my door the other day
I refused to let him in
At least until he shed that awful fur coat
And donned a more human skin
For I have dogs already
And am less than impressed with their potty training abilities

I am less than impressed with their conversation abilities
I've met plenty of Klingons already
Even though they resemble humans in general type
Get down beneath that skin and they're in a class alone
So I refused to let him in
When the Klingon came to my door the other day

Pretty scary stuff was all about him
Sharp teeth, growling, and a dirty bloody bat'leth
I'll freely admit that it's me
Who is afraid of the big bad Worf

Awful Animal Safari

This goat is definitely diabetic
It's creepy square pupil eyes are dilated
With blood sugar readings in the thousands
If it was an octane rating
This goat would spontaneously combust

Diabetic goat dances to its own tune
Disregarding doctor's orders with aplomb
Divulging cash from a hidden goat purse
Demonstrating questionable judgment
Devouring caches of donuts and layered pastries
Deported from healthier nations from far overseas

I ask you
If this makes sense
Indubitably awaiting a logical answer
Ill prepared for the look that I got
Illustrated best by a design of sharpened daggers
Instigated directly from your eyes
Inked upon parchment comic paper set aside till it dries

Running from that diabetic goat situation
As well as the sharp object spray and pray I encountered
The twisted path that projected before me
Really only led to one inevitable place

Hamsters with bulging hernias
Awaited me at the end of the road
Just as I knew that they would
Not that I'm prescient or anything
Just that I had a feeling it would be something messed up like that

The hamsters could barely walk
Teetering upon their feet
Toes extended to get more lift
Till their sticky-outy insides did not drag the ground
Tumbling from side to side when this wasn't possible
Triggering tiny hamster sized earthquakes with every bounce to the earth
Tagging each other in a mad miniature dance
Titillating in nature
True in purpose
To tickle the truth until secrets spilled out
Trickling into open pink hamster mouths
The overindulgence of which
Takes the lead as the cause of the hernias in the first place

Diabetic goats
Hamsters with hernias
What would be next?
I mused to myself
As I wandered down a dark path
So overgrown with greenery
That I failed to see the sign to the left
Clearly spelling out why this route is unwise

"Beware of Tigers with Tarantulas for Eyes"

Conal Ejection

I get two different shades
One for my left
And one for my right

And it serves me proper too
For staring into the sun all day
With one eye closed
The other sucking in all the UV rays
Damaging the retina beyond all recognition
Rounding up the cones for the rod's personal gratification
Soon having all the conical fellows in one small place
Surrounded by rioting rods
A blur of black and white motion
Rotation counter clockwise around one spot of kaleidoscope color

Fearful for their function
The cones activate their superpowers
Touching one another and being thrown back
A Wonder Twins move if I ever saw one
Transforming all at once into a literal rainbow
Projecting straight out the forward lens
Then arcing downward in an attempt at a circle

Though that'd be silly if achieved
For no entrance would be attained at the back of my head
And all it did was produce an exclamation from my lips
"Oh look! A rainbow!" and a point and gawk with childish delight

That left the right eye
The one that'd stared at the sun for so long
Without a cone to its name
And a black and white outlook from that day forth

So now when I look around at the world
One half sees colors as it should
And the other
Sees more like a dog would

Little Cough

When the baby's temperature hits one hundred and three
And the tiny breaths come in shallow death rattle gasps
Hand sized blocks wrapped in sandpaper course rasps
Rubbing down the walls in the pediatric ward
Till all the bright colors are gone

Seizures come and seizures go
The why even the MRI machine doesn't know
Where the cathode ray gun parallel lines show
Nothing but a blob of brain damage towards the rear
Explaining maybe why the child's eyes are pointing crazily
"She's most likely blind"said the doctor confirming your fear

What to do?
All the tubes and hoses prevent the cuddling you need to give
And the being six months old is a conversation stopper too
So in a manic moment you grab the sunglasses out of your pocket
Put them on her tiny cherub face
Making a feeble Ray Charles joke
That makes the wife break down in tears instead of the laughter you'd misguidedly hoped

Holding her now you pinch yourself secretly
Thinking that this must be a dreamy kind of nightmare
And how thankful you'd be if you awoke