Cheapskate Mekanik

You've done it again
With your Flea Market brand tools
Bought on the spur of the moment
Along the side of a rural route
Amidst fluttering Confederate battle flags
With judgmental white skulls looking down upon you
From the center of each printed St Andrew's Cross

That new three piece set
Of Vice Grips that just won't grip
Made of coated metal too soft for the job
With teeth that flatten upon the first use
And the chrome just flakes away
Cutting your fingertips as it goes

Your glossy looking pliers
Massive Chunnel Locks that won't lock at all
Interlocking adjustable crescent shaped grooves
That jump out of place
With the slightest of pressure applied
Their motto of "Tightest lock on earth!"
A stamped steel testament
To the time their marketing department lied

An assortment of combination wrenches
With both open and box ends
No attempt at a brand name upon their flanks
Just a simple mark saying "CHINA" in the center
Arranged in sizes that are simple suggestions
Judging from how they slip off of bolts and nuts
In both standard and metric size

The only thing worth a damn that you bought
Is that hickory handled ball peen hammer
Which is fortunate for you indeed
Because you'll need something dependable  available
To bash your skull with
Each and every time all the other new tools you got
Fails you in the worst possible way