I See Your Grass Seems Greener Than Mine

My neighbor's grass is always greener

Over yonder other side

Outperforming whatever scrub I cultivate

My fence acting as a kind of great divide

I'd say that I am jealous

But truth be told I'm not

For I don't spend a ransom on Tru Green

Nor do I spend hours cutting and trimming like a mindless robot

No he can have his greener grass

I'll keep mine the way that it is

Uneven and patchy looking

Flowers here and there along with a variety of mosses

And though he tosses me dirty looks whenever he mows in my direction

I simply look up from my book in calm reflection

Wave lazily with half a smile

Thinking that perhaps it's my grass that looks greener to him

Little Lost Heart

I lassoed the moon

And I rope walked to it

There I found your heart

And I talked to it

It told me how to find you

So here I am

Giving your heart back to you

Angel - Stripper Marathon pt2

The whole purpose of this early trip to Memphis was twofold
One being the spectacle of it all
Second being that beers were a dollar until one pm

Platinum Plus opened up at nine-thirty am
And we were there to walk inside on the dot

The place was empty except for us four
The red fabric draped walls and clusters of comfortable chairs spread out before us
All surrounding the center stage
Paved in black with two stripper poles
Lights lining the edge of the stage and walkway
With a curious double hoop brass bar arrangement on one side over near the DJ booth
Sort of like the place on big bars where the waitress goes to pick up orders
But all brass tubing and not sitting on top of anything but the floor

We found a good place to sit
In a cluster of chairs close to the stage
And a waitress came over to take our order
While the DJ did a sound check

"Check, check, check
The big sound of Platinum Plus coming at you
Check, check, check-ola"

There was some activity behind the stage curtain
The waitress brought us a tray of beers
Which seemed strangely proportioned
And become clearer when we held them in our hands

On the one hand
It made us all feel like giants holding regular beer bottles
But in the reality land of the other hand
We were regular sized people
It was the beers that were small

8 ouncers to be exact
Pretty much a dollar's worth of beer

So we told the waitress to keep them coming every ten minutes or so

Just then the DJ spouted off in his best strip club wah-wah voice

"Welcome to The Platinum Plus Champagne Room
Be sure to tip your waitress and the dancers
And get ready for........Angel!"

Aerosmith's Pink poured out of the speakers
Almost deafening our virgin ears
As Angel took the stage

Wearing a white bikini underneath a white cowboy vest and white cowboy chaps
Angel stomped her white cowboy boots out to the first pole
Tilting her head back
Causing her white cowboy hat to tumble from her head
Releasing her blonde hair to cascade down her back

She gave us the eye
As she slowly rubbed up and down the pole
Unhooking one button on her vest

We started gathering up some small bills
As it was clear that we were going to be using them
A lot

Looking For Love, Or a Reasonable Fakery Of - Stripper Marathon pt1

A long time ago
In a land far away
There was a life
That doesn't even seem like it was mine

Oh sure; it was
I was there baby
Like a day long strip club marathon

Speaking of which:

There I was looking for something
Both of us actually
Plus the two guys in the back
So really all four of us

Cruising the streets of Memphis, Tennessee
At nine o'clock in the morning on a Saturday

Everyone back at the airport had been talking up the town
Saying how it was so worth the one hour trip South

The food
The booze
The sights
The gambling
The strip clubs

When they had been talking about it all back at the hotel
I had just eaten
I was already drunk
I'd seen it all
I didn't gamble
But strip clubs?
That was worth a look I thought

So early on this Saturday morning
I'd gathered up the few guys I could rouse
And we rolled out of Blytheville, Arkansas
Headed South down Highway 55

Chasing dollar beers
No cover charge
Five dollar tips
And twenty dollar lap dances

Green Broad & Tall

There it stands
Green broad and tall
Topped by a frilly head of seeds
A fertile beacon in an otherwise barren land

A rumble in the distance disturbs the grassy utopia
Shaking the ground in unsubtle approach
A fire engine red Lawn Boss tractor grows near
Twin blades swinging in a whirlwind of destruction

The engine of the lawn behemoth is deafening
Only growing nearer and louder
But another sound can be heard over it
Or under it as it were

The screams of the grass
Rising in frequency and number
A chorus of torment
A wave of despair

Now almost on top of it
The green broad tall grass steeled itself
Lawn Boss rolling over top of it
And then it was over in a cutting whirling nightmare tumble

Then that was over too
And the top half of the green broad tall grass floated in the air
Above the sickly plains of plat planned housing
A grid below growing smaller as it gained altitude

Flowing into the jetstream
The seed laden green broad tall grass raced across the sky
Topping mountains in it's haste to sow itself
A push to reproduce no smaller due to it's size

To black loamy soil in a faraway land
Far from red Lawn Boss tractors
Scarred brown trimmed landscapes
And the touch of any human hand

To grow it's seed
Green broad and tall once again

Creep Sheep

An affront to the rear
Creep Sheep came near
Ever closer
Ever creeping

Scraping the ground with woolly belly
Fat and soft like a bowl of jelly
Creep Sheep had lived high for far too long
Now trying to sneak back into the throng

The herd for it's part
Was having none of it
This strange sheep that approached looked nothing like them
With hair cut into a stylish wool afro
Crawling on his belly as if he couldn't be seen like a crazed ninja-go

Big city life had changed Creep Sheep
With hard fake ground
He had started wearing shoes over his aching hooves
And with little to graze upon
He had started eating take out

His favorite was vegetarian Thai

Creep Sheep is a creepin'
His legs too weak to hold him
After too many video games in The Village
And skipping too many days at the gym

The herd goes North
And so he creeps too
Sliding upon his massive sheep belly
Looking for acceptance
And dreaming of a nice vegan stew

Hertz Donut

That time you broke your leg
And there was no applause as you were helped off the field
Because there wasn't anyone around to cheer you on
As you crawled back to your motorcycle
Somehow got it started and into first gear
Then drove yourself to the hospital

Or the time after high school
When you discovered you were in love with someone
And you went out of your way to be with them
Do things with them
Do things for them
And slowly worked up the nerve to tell them
Which was precisely when they told you all about how they loved this other person

Then that other instance at work
When you worked all the hours
Never called in sick
Didn't take vacations
And really helped make things a success
Only to be passed over for promotion in favor of the boss's nephew

All those things there.....

Hurts, don't it.