This area is known for its beef
If this was America
It would be the Midwest
This upper floor hotel restaurant in Bogota
It's known for its steaks
So of course I order the chicken
When I had arrived here
I learned that a broken Lockheed L1011
Looks the same on the ramp in Bogota
As it does on the ramp back at the home base
The broken number two engine is just as heavy
And takes just as many cranks
On the manual chain winches
To get all the way down to the ground
And the new motor back up again
There is no trick in gravity
Just because you are in the Southern Hemisphere
And the normally empty cargo plane
Is full of pallets of slowly rotting flowers
The cabbies drive just as scarily
When all their curses are in Spanish
The traffic as heavy as in any other big city
Although more heavy with horses and burros
The hotel seems nicer though
At least the lobby does
All covered in gleaming polished marble and granite
Gold colored fixtures here and there
Looking a bit like the excesses of the Middle East to me
The rooms are standard issue Holiday Inn
They use the lobby to recoup some of the operating costs
It is rented out to film and television productions
There will be a soap opera filming there tomorrow
I was sort of tired though
Not really caring
With not much in the way of clean clothes
Dinner was in an hour
On the top floor
Our handler
Really just a cargo supervisor
Though he fulfilled all the roles of a handler for us
Recommended the place
And several of the waitresses
Who had
If you believed the old goat
Experienced his intimate expertise
In various inappropriate places
Like I said
I ordered the chicken
Everyone else had steak
It was a mistake
When my chicken arrived
I didn't give it much thought
Just started tearing into it
Talking about things with everyone else
After I got about halfway through it
I realized it had quite a rubbery texture
I looked down
And the part I was currently eating
Looked pretty pink
Pretty raw
I spit out what I was chewing in disgust
Our handler leaned over
"I thought that looked a bit underdone"
And went back to eating his steak
I was embarrassed
And picked at my salad
That night
I learned that food poisoning
Is about the same in Columbia
And I spent the night on
Or next to
The toilet
I had a choice of CNN or Disney
For English speaking television
I opted for Disney
So to the tune of Walt's classics
I was sicker than I'd ever been
In the morning
I was weak and tired
But thought maybe I wasn't sick anymore
I was wrong
The lovely fresh fruit blended drink
That was made just for me at the breakfast nook
Tasted awesome going down
And it tasted just as good
Coming back up five minutes later too
I passed on the local walking tour
At about the same time that I passed
The full film crew and actors in the lobby
Them gawking at me
My had clamped over my mouth
As I ran for the bathroom once again
It was kidnapping season anyways
Though I didn't realize that at the time
Staying in the room
Waiting for a flight
Was a better idea for me
I learned that flying to Newark
Even on a fancy new Boeing freighter
Wasn't fun when you were sick
I learned that the aircraft lavatory
Is just as lousy
As the hotel bathroom
When you have to be sick
Though at that point
I did miss the Disney channel
I was a little feverish leaving Newark
And I learned
That they won't let you take a toolbox
Full of hammers, wrenches, and screwdrivers
As carry on for a commercial flight
Insisting that I was a licensed mechanic
And that I really knew how to use those tools
Did not reassure them
Thankfully
In those pre 9-11 days
It wasn't a big deal even when I bickered with them
On the drive back up north from Detroit
I learned that three road weary mechanics
Don't smell any better
When they get crammed into a small car together
Mostly
On that trip
I learned to always order the steak
If this was America
It would be the Midwest
This upper floor hotel restaurant in Bogota
It's known for its steaks
So of course I order the chicken
When I had arrived here
I learned that a broken Lockheed L1011
Looks the same on the ramp in Bogota
As it does on the ramp back at the home base
The broken number two engine is just as heavy
And takes just as many cranks
On the manual chain winches
To get all the way down to the ground
And the new motor back up again
There is no trick in gravity
Just because you are in the Southern Hemisphere
And the normally empty cargo plane
Is full of pallets of slowly rotting flowers
The cabbies drive just as scarily
When all their curses are in Spanish
The traffic as heavy as in any other big city
Although more heavy with horses and burros
The hotel seems nicer though
At least the lobby does
All covered in gleaming polished marble and granite
Gold colored fixtures here and there
Looking a bit like the excesses of the Middle East to me
The rooms are standard issue Holiday Inn
They use the lobby to recoup some of the operating costs
It is rented out to film and television productions
There will be a soap opera filming there tomorrow
I was sort of tired though
Not really caring
With not much in the way of clean clothes
Dinner was in an hour
On the top floor
Our handler
Really just a cargo supervisor
Though he fulfilled all the roles of a handler for us
Recommended the place
And several of the waitresses
Who had
If you believed the old goat
Experienced his intimate expertise
In various inappropriate places
Like I said
I ordered the chicken
Everyone else had steak
It was a mistake
When my chicken arrived
I didn't give it much thought
Just started tearing into it
Talking about things with everyone else
After I got about halfway through it
I realized it had quite a rubbery texture
I looked down
And the part I was currently eating
Looked pretty pink
Pretty raw
I spit out what I was chewing in disgust
Our handler leaned over
"I thought that looked a bit underdone"
And went back to eating his steak
I was embarrassed
And picked at my salad
That night
I learned that food poisoning
Is about the same in Columbia
And I spent the night on
Or next to
The toilet
I had a choice of CNN or Disney
For English speaking television
I opted for Disney
So to the tune of Walt's classics
I was sicker than I'd ever been
In the morning
I was weak and tired
But thought maybe I wasn't sick anymore
I was wrong
The lovely fresh fruit blended drink
That was made just for me at the breakfast nook
Tasted awesome going down
And it tasted just as good
Coming back up five minutes later too
I passed on the local walking tour
At about the same time that I passed
The full film crew and actors in the lobby
Them gawking at me
My had clamped over my mouth
As I ran for the bathroom once again
It was kidnapping season anyways
Though I didn't realize that at the time
Staying in the room
Waiting for a flight
Was a better idea for me
I learned that flying to Newark
Even on a fancy new Boeing freighter
Wasn't fun when you were sick
I learned that the aircraft lavatory
Is just as lousy
As the hotel bathroom
When you have to be sick
Though at that point
I did miss the Disney channel
I was a little feverish leaving Newark
And I learned
That they won't let you take a toolbox
Full of hammers, wrenches, and screwdrivers
As carry on for a commercial flight
Insisting that I was a licensed mechanic
And that I really knew how to use those tools
Did not reassure them
Thankfully
In those pre 9-11 days
It wasn't a big deal even when I bickered with them
On the drive back up north from Detroit
I learned that three road weary mechanics
Don't smell any better
When they get crammed into a small car together
Mostly
On that trip
I learned to always order the steak
