Wannabe Pooh

Oh bother
It's one of those days
Where I could curl up inside a hunny pot
Swim around in the sticky stuff
Eating and just enjoying the feel of it
Not climbing out until I've had enough

Until I'm a new person
With a money back guarantee
A limited time offer
A look in my eyes that invites to come and see
Me in a Winnie the Pooh suit
A furry without a worry
A "G" rated little fat ball of fury

With my luck though
I'll do it to the nines
I'll get stuck in my front door
And with no Rabbit to read to me
I'll be ever so bored
Until I shrink down far enough to slide out

Sneak out for more adventure
In my own private area
Not so large as
But every bit as fun as
Any Hundred Acre Woods

Book of Monsanto 3:11 - A Tale of the Wrench

And on the fifth day
Monsanto did create the Skydrol
To resist the temperatures of the fire
And inhibit the corrosion internal
Of all aviation hydraulic systems

At that point
Monsanto should have saw that it was good
And called it a day
But having a great rage towards maintenance technicians
Monsanto did cause the Skydrol to be cruel

"From this day forth
Wherever there be aircraft
Let the maintenance technician suffer
When placed upon the skin
The Skydrol shall produce a burning sensation
And itchy redness
When the Skydrol makes it's way to the eyes
Let it feel much like acid"

Thus spake Monsanto
And thus it was so

To further their betrayal and cruelty
Monsanto did cause the Skydrol
To eat most things made of rubber or plastic
Thus shall shoe soles and tires upon wheels
Be turned into an intractable goo

Monsanto did then cause rumors to spread
About how to treat the Skydrol
When it is on the skin or the eyes

"Perhaps bathing in 2% milk will help"
Monsanto said with a smile

Thus did Monsanto laugh
For it well knew that oil of the castor
Was the only hope
For even a half solution to exposure

History does indicate that Monsanto did feel shame
After over twenty five years of the making of the Skydrol
Solutia was born to help hide Monsanto's shame
Taking the SkyKleen with them also
Solutia did remove the yoke of the Skydrol
From the weight of Monsanto's burden
Freeing them to further degrade our world
In new and genetically repugnant ways

This is the Word of Monsanto
Thanks be to Monsanto

If I Had a Freeze Ray

I'm no Dr Horrible
But I have one thing in common
I wish I had a freeze ray
So as to hold fast
My short time with you

Every day could be a year for me
Every moment a snapshot
A museum gallery
To take in every possible angle
Of your face
Your hands
The curve of your hips
A linger upon the taste of your lips

I could amuse you
With my ability to grow a beard
In a split second's time
My seemingly magical ability
To make your wishes come true
Knowing what they are
Almost before you do

A freeze ray could be like that
Though eventually I'd have to fess up
My age would start to show
White hairs creases and wrinkles would pop up
You'd have a hard time reconciling
How we're the same age
Yet it seems as if I've aged ten years
In the months since our first date

Your subjective time with me is short
Though I'll have enjoyed a lifetime with you
Some might say it's not fair
And from a certain perspective it's true
But I see things in a different way
Masterworks hang in museums for all to view
Too precious to keep hidden away
You are the same to me
Though the months that I had you were precious and few
I'm now putting you back up in the gallery
So others can appreciate you too

Green

In the twilight of my eyes
I bore witness
To the greeniest green I've ever seen
Lit high upon the treetops
Brought low to the ground
Upon the roofs of the rental cottages
On the singing quartet of mailboxes
The green was everywhere

A 1978 Chevrolet truck
Done in backyard camouflage
With those real life leaf stencils
That you might remember from grade school
But on this truck
Work just as well

A squinchy squnchy worm
Hanging from a thread
Seemingly there hanging in the air
To snag upon your hair
As you pass under
To decorate your summer outfit
As the finishing accessory
To make you 'Eek!'
When you notice in the mirror

The almost fakery green
Of the golf course
The one you hate
Perfectly flat eighteen holes
The only variation to straight
Being a dogleg in the ninth fairway
Just to keep you guessing

But my favorite
The explosion of green
Upon popping out of the forest
Unexpectedly into the bright sunlight
Green to the point of obscene
In uncountable hues
A chlorophyl overload
Enough to give me the shakes
Enough for me to get my fill

The Four Horsemen

I am a theist
I believe in my chosen deity
I follow a set of practices
I go to worship daily

My god does many things
Some of which I don't understand
But I trust in his divine vision
As much as I can

I am an athiest
I believe in science
Everything can be explained
My brain is my only reliance

My theories sometimes are disproven
But I don't lose much sleep over it
I acquire new knowledge and methods
To see if new theories might fit

I am an antitheist
I actively oppose religion
I place detonators in faith
I drip acid upon devotion

I don't believe a thing
Unless I can see it feel it taste it smell it
And even then I have my doubts
For if I believed, I'd have to disprove it

I don't give two shits
I let everyone do their own thing
I propose no theories
And bend no knee

I sit up in my treehouse
Seeing what I can see
Is that rain you feel upon your face
Or is it just me

Taking a pee

Yours

Tap tap tap
My red Chuck Taylors
Tap a beat softly
As you pour instructions at me
Give me task lists
Slyly slip me innuendos
Blink seductively
Promising more

I am your pool boy whore

I perform my duties with grace
Getting dirty
Staying clean
Whatever you ask for
I'd even tie myself up for you
But at the end of a long sweaty day
You enjoy doing that yourself

Now that you've broken me
I find that I even like it

Dentistry Still Life

I may as well be in the Ministry of Love
Strapped down to a chair
A cage fastened to my face
A little door in it
Ready to release hungry rats on me

I'm in the dentists chair
And we are currently posing
For an old fashioned photo
A sculptor working in marble
Playing red light green light
And someone just called red

Frozen in motion
A still life
The doctor driving an oversize needle
Directly into my upper jaw
Through my skull
Into my brain
Pinning me to the headrest
Mouth wide open in a silent scream

In that pose that most of us know
Hat on the ground
Won't you throw in some change
For our fine performance
As living
Screaming
Sadistic
Statues?