#188 Zombie Bacon Trek

Truly an epic quest

This craving for undead swine

It’s leading me far afield

But the prize will be mine

I’ve heard that they’re the best

Just no comparison

At least so THEY say

I’ll find out

I have my portable smoker

Along with my butcher knife

When I catch that damn zombie pig

He’s going on my plate that day

It all started when

I came out to get my undead truffles

There was some sort of fungal apocalypse

As is always the cause of such things

And some of them went bad

They became zombies

Or, as I call them, "Zuffles"

Thankfully rooted in place

They don’t do much harm

But are heaven on a plate

With some butter and warm corn

I eat them when I can

And offer no apologies

Back to the undead swine

He found my truffles

And rooted them all up

He took, what was mine

It’s been two weeks

And I know I’m getting close

I’ve been seeing a steady trail

Of smaller zombies

That the pig has bitten

The zombie squirrel was surprisingly problematic

The undead goat was tough too

The shamble-fluttering bat a bit dramatic

The walker raccoon I turned to goo

One could wonder at why:

Why does something turn zombie when bitten by one

But I don’t turn zombie when I eat one?

I really can’t say

All I know is that this Zombie Bacon Trek

Has gotten way out of hand

However, interestingly though

I’ve started hankering for a side order

Of brains

#187 Is Having All Three

Eyes half open

I survey the view

Nothing looks quite like it should

Everything is askew

But it's all ok

No need to feel dread

As soon as I wake up

I pad quietly from the bed

I chuckle to myself

As I make my morning rounds

A silly little saying

Runs through my head

Accompanied by strange sounds

"No wife, no horse, no mustache"

I can't begin to guess what it means

I didn't know when I first read it

And time hasn't made me any wiser

Especially at interpreting things it seems

Definitely have a wife

There she is sawing logs in the bed

Mostly covered with comforter

This woman that I wed

No horse, at least per se

I have a poodle

He's pretty big

As he ogles me from the foot of the bed

My mustache

Well, that finally came in

Took me into my twenties

But I finally grew more than wisps on my chin

So going by that silly saying

Perhaps I've arrived

Having wife, horse, and mustache

It wasn't easy but I survived

They need to extend that saying though

To include a multitude of kids

Enough stuff everywhere for my own episode of Hoarders

And in-laws living in my yard for the summer

And so it extends, into:

No wife, no horse, no mustache

No triple threat children

No epic consumer excess

No hobos in the yard

The thing of the original saying

I think was

That until you had those three things

You just hadn't arrived in life

Must have been a cowboy thing

I've arrived

Plus the kids

The stuff

And the in-laws in the yard

#186 Takes an Injury Time Out

Green eyes in hue

Pierce my own

And their gaze of blue

Keeping me down

Head throbbing

The rock that did it

Lying close by

With a souvenir

Of my scalp still clinging to it

I turn my head

And half my view

Is invaded by the greenest of grass

The image wavy

It must be hot

It doesn't want to focus

I hear murmurs

Rumblings of information

I can't quite make out

Snatches of songs I can't remember

Floating through my head

Strange titles though

With bizarre lyrics

Something about

"Open head Trauma"

With some backup singers

Wailing "Oh my god, oh my god"

They are seriously out of tune

I don't think I'll be getting this song

Off of iTunes anytime soon

It's just not catchy enough

The terrible music fades

With a prick on my arm

Suddenly I feel weightless

And dreamy

I open my eyes

There's a calendar on the wall

It says June

With little puppies on it

I blink my eyes to clear my head

And when I focus again

The calendar says February

With a little snowman under it

I wiggle my toes

I twitch my fingers

All a really good sign I think

I turn my head to the right

And I see my wife

Eyes welling with tears

Eyes green in hue

Locking with mine of blue

#185 Shifts With the Sands

All the grains of sand

In the mouse meadow

Work together

In harmony

In unison

To try to be one with each other

To have all of their flats

Their facets

Their flaws

And their faces

Touching perfectly

And correctly

And boy is it hard!

So they shift a lot

They let the wind move them

Footsteps compress them

The rains slosh them

All in the ongoing

Never-ending

Effort to be one

Each grain of sand

Remembers from whence it came

It remembers being one solid thing at one time

Ground down

Chipped off

Or broken apart

They were separated from the one

This grain of sand pines for it's brother

And searches and shifts all day

That grain of sand is restless and sad

Feeling alone without it's match

It's missing piece

Destined never really to be one again

All the sand quests everlasting

For a peace and happiness

That can only be a shadow

Of what once was

#184 Is Lovingly Tragic

There’s a heart shaped cloud in the air

It’s hanging about just over there

It makes me think of you

And that I love you

So I’m glad that I looked up today

It does look like rain

So I’m popping up my umbrella

That way I’m ready for when it comes down

I sure don’t want to be a wet fella

That wet man smell does get around

The rain is falling in a steady drumbeat

Forming a veil

Around my dry island in the gloom

I stay out of puddles and hope there’s no hail

That would poke holes in my bubble

My balloon floats lightly next to me

It’s words spell out how I feel

It’s shiny and red

And says, “I love you” for real

It buoys my heart to give you a balloon

In my pocket bulges a velvet case

It holds two month’s salary

It’s shiny and bright

And I hope it’s just right

For it’s you I want to marry this day

Then a bump and a bright light

And I’m floating in the night

Looking down at a painful sight

My broken body in the rain

You’ll have to wait for another to love you I fear

But I’ll try always to be near

And when you grow old and die

I’ll be waiting right here

Because death doesn’t change how I feel

#183 Tumbleweed Addiction

That tumbleweed addiction

Of our father's has become

A screaming obsession

To which we must succumb.

Wandering inclinations

Taking over our ways.

And searching for happiness

All the rest of our days.

On the wagon once again,

Waiting for a new religion

With whores in the monastery,

An affordable addiction.

A stammering priest

And blood running like fire,

From our open slashed wrists

Head getting lighter...higher.

Mother taught us to love,

But look what we've become;

A raving prophet in rags,

Calling heavens above.

I've found myself lately,

Where must I go to stay?

As if a shining angel

Will come and show the way.

Father told me to witness

All the good things being done.

But when I looked around,

I could not find a one.

So with stones in my pockets

And  rock solid head,

I found unhappiness

And wished I was dead.

A ravenous hunger

That rivals tumbleweed desire.

Burns through our virgin veins

A soul-tempering fire.

And bleeding hearts cry out

For us to love their desire.

But we don't, even if we did.

Making of us a most fiendish liar.

The hardest lessons that we've learned

Are soon branded on our souls

Which leaves our minds free,

To help us stoke the coals.

Of a life we've left behind

And wished we'd never led.

Don't hide the things you've done

And never let it be said:

Dreams of a rising star

All dressed in white,

Will end in the light of a new day,

And a lover all in black.

                                                   -1991

#182 Is a Lame Lumberman

As a lumberjack

I’m a wannabe

My axe strokes fall off the mark

It would take an hour to fell one tree

My chainsaw skills

Aren’t that great either

I get the bar stuck

Like the tree is biting a teether

When I cut a notch in the trunk

To make it fall the way I say

You probably better run

‘Cause I bet it’s going the other way

I’m told I should use a rope

With twelve thousand pound test

Well all I had was some lying around

It wasn’t up to it though it tried it’s best

I did catch one pine

As it started to lean the wrong way

I tied one end of my wimpy rope to it

The other to my tractor

Which looked at me as if to say:

“Dude, really?

Even I can see we aren’t away far enough

The top of that thing is going to take us out

And when the EMT’s come

You’re gonna look rough”

So I sized it up and let out some more slack

Gunned the motor

And the rope stretched about three feet

Before the tree toppled over

Crashing just behind my seat

No, I’m no lumberjack

But I’m going to keep trying

There’s enough trees to give me practice

I’m hopeful I won’t hurt myself

And have to go home crying