#141 Is en-Raptured

Today started like any other day

Got up

Took my morning constitution

With full amendments and resolutions

Had some yummy cereal

Then sat down and rubbed my tummy for awhile

I went outside

To take care of some things

When to my surprise

I began to rise

As if I had wings

Suddenly, I remembered

Today was May 21st

This must be the rapture!

I was fit to be burst

As I cleared the trees

I saw others rising too

We were all going to heaven!

If I were on the ground

I'd have dropped to my knees

Up and up we went

The whole lot of us

Some of us happy

Some scared and full of mistrust

But then

Something strange happened

No stranger than rising in the first place

But strange, just the same

We all started to go back down

Slowly, gently

Back to the earth

Where we belonged evidently

Finally, my feet were back on the ground

I wandered around

And tried to talk to others

But they wouldn't make a sound

It didn't come out

What had happened

Until the afternoon

And it was true without a doubt

Gravity had reversed itself

But only for humans

We all rose up for a bit

But then gravity corrected itself

And we all came back down

The gravity coming back

Oh so gently

Sound ridiculous, you say?

Well I'll take that gravity scenario

Over some fool predicting the Rapture

Any old day

#140 Smells Like a Rose

There’s a wind

A wind in the pillows

A foul and stinky breeze

Clouds the air

Makes you sneeze

The room smells of fart

Once again

Last nights dinner

Has hit it out of the park

Those burritos and beans

Cauliflower and greens

Got in the colon

And united

In an unholy union of smell

I was asleep most of the night

So I didn’t notice

All the sneaks and peeps

Coming from my posterior

Hotboxed under the covers

Released when I rolled over

It hovers in the room

Like a smelly poltergeist

When I awake

I retch

And I blame the dog

Because there’s just no way

That

THAT

Could have come from me!

#139 Flies 3rd Seat

My eyes

Like saucers

Reflect the scene before me

Video game screens

Showing the four engines

Screaming at takeoff power

Turning fuel into smoke

At an alarming rate

The copilot calls out V1

We’re really moving now

Almost floating above the concrete

In our manic run to the end of the runway

Pressed back into my seat

Thrilling to the thrust

I’m taking it all in

The approaching red lights

Marking the end of the road

The speed bug hits VR

I hear them call “Rotate!”

And the horizon disappears

I’m pushed into my seat harder

An involuntary smile painting my features

The pilot and copilot throw switches and levers in a choreographed dance

Calling out checklist points to one another

Climbing hard through 2000 feet

I close my eyes

And sigh

How lucky am I

To fly jumpseat

On a Boeing Whale

In these times of taking things for granted

And being mired in the Michigan mud

#138 Is Up Then Down

There is no work

To shirk

In this eternal summertime

That I find myself in

My grass stays green and clipped

The trash takes itself out

The only thing I need to attend

Is my margarita, which begs to be sipped

All my loved ones

Are close at hand

There is no death or unhappiness

It's rosy times across the land

Is it Valhalla?

Or maybe Heaven?

I can't really explain this state

That I find myself in

Although if I look hard enough

And not directly at

I sense, rather than see

The truth, lurking like the Cheshire Cat

First the teeth

Rend the sky from my perfect world

Then the eyes

Penetrate all things

Burning all, blackened and curled

Finally all is revealed

Pain and sadness

The only meaningful yield

I search, but find no gladness

In this place

That's not a place

In this time

Where it has no meaning

I suppose I've come full circle

And this must be Hell

#137 Ok, Watch This!

Look at me

I'm a spectacle

Am I not?

Look at me!

At least watch the debacle

Go ahead and take the dare

Just be aware

That it's exactly what

I want you to do

Stare

Please

While I make an ass of myself

Don't worry

It's good for my mental health

The doctor said so

Here's the script

"Fill as needed"

Take that! modesty

And this! common sense

Put your camera on me!!!

Now, now now!

I'm going to do something amazing

Stupendous

I so want this on Youtube

Ok, here I go

Check this out

*

*

*

*

*

Ok, you better call an ambulance

Or something

My bone should not be sticking out like that

Maybe this video should go on failblog.com

Instead

:(

#136 Jesse the Poodle

The tumbleweeds rolled

And the wind blew

Dust in the air

Thick as stew

When came to town

A character of renown

It was the Texas Ranger

Jesse the Poodle

His hair was white

And he was quite a sight

As he ambled into the saloon

Ordering a water

And some kibble in a dish

We knew he was serious

Although a touch delirious

From the heat

And the dust

Caked on his feet

As he drank his drink down

He looked all around

And sized us up

One by one

He could tell who was yeller

As his eyes lit on a feller

Who winced

And looked at the ground

Sitting back in his chair

He brushed back his hair

Polished his badge

With a cloth backed with bone

Then facing the crowd

He said quite loud,

“I’m here to keep order

I’ll stay as long as it takes

To clean up this one poodle town”

But of course
All we heard him say was,
"Woof"

He was Jesse

Jesse the poodle

With guns in his paws

He upheld the laws

And ran the bad guys

Clean out of town

#135 Were Boys on the Loose

Lake Lansing lapped lazily

Upon the shores near where we played

My best friend Jeff and I

Finding adventure in the woods and water

We were equipped for anything

In sneakers and jeans

I think we had sticks too

You never know

What you might want to poke at

And on this day

We found something great

It was a dead turtle

We poked at it

We peered at it

We flipped it

We flopped it

Eventually

We decided to cut it’s head off

I swear I don’t know

Which one of us came up with the idea

We were eight years old

So really, could have been either of us

So I took my pocket knife

And snicked open the blade

A blade so dull

That no sane person would have used it

But, it still seemed like a good idea

We stretched out his neck on the ground

And I started sawing at it

Not much happened

Imagine rolling a piece of rubber around

With a butter knife

Then something made a crunching noise

And some goo came out the turtle’s mouth

That was enough for me

I dropped the knife

And threw up in the stream

Jeff may have laughed

He probably should have

We pushed the turtle back into the stream

To do whatever it is

That dead turtles do

And we walked back to his house

There were Lego masterpieces to build

Tents to set up

Dirt to move around

And probably a good snack waiting in the kitchen