#134 Doesn't Get Into It Anymore

Yesterday

I waited

I waited for Jason Voorhees

I walked under ladders

I broke mirrors

I even bought a black cat

And trained it to cross my path

All the ding dong diddly day long

But nothing happened

It was just another day

Kids went to school

I built something at home

Then I went to work

When I was young

The older kids on the bus

Used to tell me all kinds of stories

Which made me anxiously anticipate

Friday the 13^th

Things will happen

Who knows what!

But that’s gone now I guess

Along with it

Most of my enthusiasm

For just about all the holidays

And ‘event’ days

They are just days now

With more traffic

And tourists

To put up with

But it saddens me when I think on it

I wish those days were still special to me

I wish I was still truly believing

That Friday the 13^th

Was something to be really leery of

#133 Is Mean to His Mule

I am the mighty stable boy

I control and I rule

All the animals and this stable

Except for that there mule

He defies me

He derides me

I can tell

In the way he looks at me

I put him to work

To show him who’s boss

But he just grunted and pulled

Glaring at me and giving his head a toss

Frustrated

I whipped him

To dominate his spirit

But he stood his ground, looking grim

With welts open and bleeding

I knew there was no turning back

I rubbed salt on him

Cutting him no slack

He howled his mule howl

And I thought I’d solved his puzzle

But all he did was look at me

And one tear rolled down his muzzle

I was taken aback

I stood stock still

Taking in this scene

And slowly, it broke my will

I cried

And I tended his wounds

I fed him fine feed

And put him to bed

I realized that I loved my mule

And I couldn’t posses him

I can only be kind to him

And remember this lesson

The next morning

The mule wouldn’t look at me

But I didn’t blame him

I’d do the same if were me

Days grew to months

And on into years

Best friends we became

We soothed one another’s fears

Until one day my mule did die

As all the living do

I dug him a fine grave

I kissed him

And bid him

Adieu

#132 Is Calling for Backup

Don't worry

I've got your back

I'm backing you up

On DVD's by the stack

But I won't stop there

I've come prepared

With ideas and hidey-holes

Four squared

It's that simple 3-2-1 rule

3 copies backed up right

2 different storage types

1 copy stored offsite

Learnt at my daddy's knee

And forgotten

By about the count of three

Until something happened

There I was officer

Minding my own business without a care

When suddenly I formatted my hard drive

It was a million to one shot, I swear

So now I'm going through the steps

Apologizing to my victims

Assembling my things

Moving things about, maximizing my limbs

I'm putting everything on an external drive

On my bedroom shelf

Duping it on DVD twice

Hiding one copy myself

The last copy

I'm putting in a hole

I'm grabbing my parka

And jetting to the South Pole

I'll let the penguins guard my data stash

#131 Hates the Wait

Five minutes

It’s an eternity

And I can’t wait

Let it start! Let it start!

Waiting is what I hate

In the car

It’s “Are we there yet?”

Repeated for effect

But good results, that will seldom get

Rush a chef

And your food might hit the floor

And if you complain

A boot in your butt, and out the door

But THIS happens every five minutes

And I’ve missed it

Like, a million times today already

Whenever the bell goes off

It seems I’m off and out of the way

So I’m standing here

Waiting for it to happen

That big bucket is getting more full by the second

The 30 second bell starts going off, and I can’t help laughin’

This is the best part of the water park!

That huge bucket way up high

Fills with 1000 gallons of water

Then tips over, letting it fly

We’re all gathered at the drop zone

As I watch it tip with a grin

Our screams and laughter fill the air

Water splashing us, bashing us, everywhere

And that five minute wait, it starts all over again

#130 Is an Internet Privacy Disaster

I Twitter to your teacher

I Facebook to your sister

I Friendface your brother

And I Myspace with your mother

I’ve got bits and pieces

Of myself

Scattered all over the net

Singly they are no big deal

But together, they are a threat

They tell of what I like to watch

What I like to eat

My perversions are laid bare

How my buying habits don’t miss a beat

All my passwords

Are belong to them

Cookies, so common

Show clearly where I’ve been

A fateful email came one day

Which just wanted to verify my information

So I filled it out and sent it on it’s way

But then, on the very next day…..

There was a knock at my door

I found out I was poor

And the Man had come

To take my house away

All my credit cards he burned

Took my car

Took my dog

My wife, well, she just up and left

So here I am

Living under the overpass

Thinking on security, and encryption

A day late and many dollars short

But years wiser

#129 Is For Hire

I keep just the basics

In my custom fabricated

Carry all padded case

My computer

Some clothes

Toothbrush

A Beretta 92F with a screw on silencer

My two favorite knives

And one small nuclear device

Because you just never know

When it will be time to break the silence

To engage

The self destruct sequence

Of course, that last was a joke

If I had one of those I’d be broke

I’m no 007

I’m just a Johnny Mercenary

Less common than most

But uncommonly necessary

I’ve toppled regimes

I’ve killed on sight

I’ve gathered intel

I’ve given housewives a fright

Most things I do

Have a price

Everything on the menu

Is decidedly not nice

I’m getting older

And a whole lot slower

The fees I’m able to get

Getting correspondingly lower

I keep on truckin’ though

It’s the only life I know

When I get the call

I pack up and go

Until I, 

Too late

Feel that presence at my back

The slight tug on the collar of my coat

And the inevitable knife

At my throat

#128 Wants His Mother

Mother

Is the scourge of my backside

When I dunked the cat

Into the toilet

Mother

Is the teacher

Of daily life

All the important things I did learn

Mother

Is the holder

Of hugs

Given freely and with love

Mother

Is the kisser

Of boo boos

That I got while learning to ride

Mother

Is the giver of life

Even when

It didn't come from her womb

Mother

Is who I run to

When I feel oh so blue

And a hug and a kiss is all that will do

Mother

Is that which can't be done without

But then I'm a mamma's boy

Of that, there is no doubt